Forever Out of Reach
by Kyoichi.T751
Summary: Shizuo Heiwajima and Itsuki Watanabe were childhood friends until one day, Shizuo loses control of his strength and hurts the person closest to him. Shizuo pushes him away and Itsuki decides to leave Ikebukero. 8 years later, Itsuki comes back as a famous singer but he's sick and doesn't have much time left. YAOI, OC, LOTS OF FLUFF, RATED M FOR LATER CHAPTERS
1. Chapter 1

**Author Note: **

**Okay, so my first fanfic. Oh god, I'm so nervous. Shizuo is kinda out of character, sorry but too bad. I wrote this at 4 in the morning. I appreciate reviews, tell me how awful it is. :)**

**Shizuo Heiwajima and Itsuki Watanabe were childhood friends until one day, Shizuo loses control of his strength and hurts the person closest to him. Shizuo pushes him away and Itsuki decides to leave Ikebukero. 8 years later, Itsuki comes back as a famous singer but he's sick and doesn't have much time left. Will Shizuo realize his feelings for his dying friend before it's too late?**

**Rated M for sexual content, it's not until later. Like a lot later. **

**BTW, Itsuki is a boy because I realized it's a little hard to figure that out right away and I'm too lazy to edit it.**

**Sadly, Durarara and it's characters do not belong to me. However, the precious baby that is Itsuki Watanabe does. Itsuki is my precious baby and I will make him cry all I want. Mwahahahha :D**

ITSUKI'S POV

A fist slams into my chest and sends me flying into the brick wall behind me; I can feel my ribs breaking with a loud crack. I fall to the ground and try to catch my breath; every inhale and exhale causes another jolt of pain. I look up to see my best friend looking at me with horror.

'What just happened?' is all I can think to myself.

Well let me rewind a little, I'll start by telling you about myself. My name's Itsuki Watanabe and I'm a mute orphan. My parents died in a car accident when I was about 6 years old and the shock of seeing both of my parents die right before my eyes left me with the inability to speak. It's not that I can't speak; I can, but only to people I truly trust. So after my parents died, I was sent to an orphanage. I would get beat up a lot because I couldn't talk and the fact that orange hair was unusual in Japan. I'm only half Japanese. My mother was from America and she too had bright orange hair while my father was from Japan. They met when my mother was on a college trip abroad.

My best friend, his name's Shizuo Heiwajima, otherwise known as the strongest man in Ikebukero. We met back in elementary school, I remember the day like it was yesterday. I was getting beat up on the playground by some of the older orphans when a boy with brown hair came to my rescue. I remember him running over and putting himself in between me and the bullies. He put his arms up to protect me as he was yelling at the boys to pick on someone their own size. Shizuo was a lot taller than me even though we were the same age. I knew him from school, everyone did. He was the boy with the "monster" strength.

One of the older boys threw a punch at Shizuo but he grabbed the fist before it could hit his jaw. He ended up breaking the boys arm. When another boy tried to hit my hero, Shizuo punched him so hard that he flew half way across the city. Eventually the rest of them just ran off, screaming that Shizuo was a monster. Shizuo looked down at me and smiled. I knew right then that this boy was not someone to be afraid of. He wasn't a monster, he was my savior.

"Are you okay?" I nodded and he helped me to my feet. "I'm gonna walk you home. Lead the way." I just started walking 'home' and Shizuo walked beside me the entire time. When we got to the orphanage he just looked at me. "This is your home? Where are your mom and dad?" I just shook my head. He turned around and walked away, and just like that, he was gone. I walked up the old steps and into the orphanage to bandage up my new cuts and bruises.

The next day, I was leaving for school and that familiar brown head was waiting for me by the front gate of the orphanage. I walked up to him and looked at him. He rubbed the back of his neck.

"Um, hey. I've decided that I'm gonna walk you to and from school. Ya' know, so you don't get beat up anymore." I just nodded and started walking. Shizuo followed, not by my side but a couple steps behind me. I kept glancing behind me to see the strange boy following me. We ended up spending a lot more time together after that. He kept to his word and walked me to school every morning, then we would play together at recess and even spent hours together after school since neither of us wanted to go home. Then he would walk me home right before it got dark, sometimes I would even spend the night at his house. His parents were never really around; he told me that his parents were afraid of him. It saddened me that a mother and father would be afraid of their own child, especially someone as kind as Shizuo. His brother, Kasuka, was nice but he was always busy with drama club; he really liked acting, which was strange since the boy showed little emotion.

Shizuo and I became best friends and I eventually opened up to him, it took four years but I finally could talk to him. He never pressured me to talk and that's what made it so easy. He would usually just ask me yes or no questions. One day after school, we were sitting on the swings in the park and I told him that I was glad I met him. We were in middle school, I think; but it was just the beginning.

That leads to the present, it's our junior year of high school and I guess some people saw our friendship as being too close for just friends. A rumor was spread around that we were a couple. I didn't really mind because, well, I've always loved Shizuo. I would never tell him though; because I know he would never feel the same. I would never risk ruining what we have.

I was walking with Shizuo and Shinra, who we became friends with when we first entered high school. Shinra was going on and on about what him and his beloved Celty were going to do after school, but I tuned him out and watched the blonde next to me. Shizuo had dyed his hair so that people would recognize him and I gotta say, I love the blonde hair. It looks so soft, I want to run my fingers through it but that would be weird.

I looked away when I realized I was staring. A group of 6 or 7 seniors were smoking cigarettes outside; they were looking at me with a disgusted look on their faces.

"Fucking faggot." One of the seniors said as he threw his cigarette butt at me. I just looked down at the ground and kept walking. I was used to this; I was either getting picked on or avoided.

"What the fuck did you just say?" I looked up to see the blonde had walked over to the group of seniors and was holding the one who threw his cigarette at me up by the collar of his uniform. He slammed him into the wall. Shinra was trying to tell Shizuo to stop and ignore them but he wasn't listening. There was no point in talking to him when he was angry. I walked over to Shinra and dragged him a couple feet away from the upcoming fight. The seniors attacked Shizuo, but he was stronger and faster, he knocked them all unconscious within less than a minute.

I walked over to him and put my hand on his shoulder. The fight was over and just like I would always do, I tried to calm him down. It would always work but not this time. When I put my hand on his shoulder, he flinched away and slammed his fist into my chest. My back crashed into the brick wall and I fought to catch my breath. I could hear Shinra screaming my name but everything was unfocused. I looked up to see Shizuo looking at me with terror in his eyes. His eyes shifted down to look at his own hands in disgust. I used the wall for support and stood on my feet. I tried to walk over to Shizuo, to let him know that I'm okay. As soon as I took my first step away from the wall, my knees gave out and I fell to the ground. I couldn't breathe without it feeling like a thousand shards of glass were piercing my rib cage. Shinra was by my side, he was speaking but I couldn't hear him. All I could focus on was Shizuo; he had told me once that his biggest fear was hurting those closest to him.

"What have I done?" I heard Shizuo whisper before he ran off. I ignored the pain as best as I could and got to my feet. I ran after him without looking back. Shinra was calling my name but I didn't care.

SHIZUO'S POV

I ran all the way home and locked the door. About an hour after the incident, I heard a knock at the door. I knew exactly who it was.

"Go away!" I screamed.

"Shizuo..." I heard the quiet voice gasping for air. I hurt him pretty badly, I felt those delicate bones break at the impact of my fist. To think he had run all the way here even with broken ribs, it must have been painful, but nevertheless, I couldn't give in. I needed to put distance between myself and the people around me. I am a monster and I will only hurt everyone around me.

"Just leave me alone!" I screamed as loud as I could and slammed my fist through the nearby wall. I heard someone else running up the stairs towards my apartment.

"Itsuki, I need to look at your injuries.." I heard the faint voice, it was Shinra. Shinra Kishitani, the only other person that dared to hang around me, but he was more interested in my inhuman strength than being my actual friend, I knew it was true. "Shizuo! Let us in, we have to talk and Itsuki is hurt so take responsibility like a good friend and open this door!"

No, I couldn't let them in, I couldn't. I needed to get away from them before I hurt them more, but, Itsuki could be seriously injured. I hesitated, but I didn't know what to do. If I opened the door, I would be putting them in more danger, but Itsuki is probably in a lot of pain. I couldn't bare the thought of my friend in pain, I opened the door but refused to look at anyone.

"Shizzy-kun." I heard the familiar nickname that only Itsuki used and couldn't help but look up at the injured boy. I regretted it immediately, I felt my heart break when I looked into those bright blue eyes filled with pain. I did this, I caused this pain. I darted past them and down the stairs, ignoring the calls from my friends. I needed to get away.

ITSUKI'S POV

I felt my heart shatter as I watched my closest friend run away from me. This wouldn't be an easy fix. I tried to run after him but Shinra grabbed my arm.

"Just give him some time. He cares for you like he cares for his brother, and he hurt you. He won't be able to forgive himself easily."

I knew what he said was true, but I still wanted to be there for my friend. We were always there for each other. I needed Shizuo and I liked to think that Shizuo needed me too. I still couldn't say the things I needed to, I couldn't protect him, and I couldn't even be there for him when he needed me. All I did was cause problems. Shizuo always protected me, Shizuo was always there for me, Shizuo always did everything for me. I was just weak; so very weak.

"I need to check your injuries so let's go inside," Shinra said as he walked into the empty apartment. "I don't think Shizuo is really going to mind if we use his apartment for a little."

I sat down on the couch, it felt strange. I had been inside this apartment so many times, I knew where everything was, but it felt strange with Shizuo not being here with me. Shinra kneeled down in front of me and lifted up my shirt. The cold air made a chill run up my spine and I shivered.

"Agh!" Shinra gasped. My entire chest was already bruising a dark purple. "Tell me if it hurts." He pressed lightly on several spots on my chest and sides. I hissed in pain at multiple points in the examination. "You've definitely got a couple of broken ribs; I'll get you some ice." Shinra retreated into the kitchen. My chest hurt, not from the pain of broken ribs, but from the thought of losing my best friend. I needed to make things right.

"Try to take it easy for the next three to six weeks while your ribs heal, I'll bring you over some medication for the pain." Shinra said as he walked back into the room holding a freezer bag wrapped in paper towels. I took it from him and hissed in pain as I put it on a small section of the bruises. I need to find Shizuo.

"Hmm... it's going to be hard to find Shizuo, he could be anywhere. This is a big city after all." Shinra said as if reading my mind. Shinra was always so talkative and always spoke what was on his mind. I wish I was a little bit more like him, I wish I could speak my mind. I only nodded to him.

"Well, I have to get back to my lovely Celty." He started toward the door, but paused and turned back around. "You probably shouldn't go to school for a while. But I don't think it's a good idea to go back to the orphanage with your injuries." I realized he was right. The other kids would definitely use my injury to their advantage. "And I don't think it's wise for you to stay with Shizuo right now. He needs some time to get over what happened." That made me frown. Shinra walked back over to me and sat on the couch, putting his hand on my shoulder. "Listen, I know this is hard. We all know Shizuo didn't mean to hurt you. I want to things to go back to the way they were just as much as you do. I don't want to lose him either." Then Shinra seemed lost in thought for a moment.

I just stared at him with a frown on my face. I wanted to talk to Shizuo. I liked Shinra and all, but I didn't want to waste any time. I need to see Shizuo.

"Come stay with me for a while. Just until your ribs heal." No, I want to stay with Shizuo. "Oh, Itsuki-kun. You're breaking my heart with that look of disapproval!" He faked being struck in the heart and fell back on the couch.

'Drama queen' I thought to myself as I chuckled.

"Well sadly, whether you like it or not, that's your only choice." My smile fell. "Oh, don't give me that look mister. I will text Celty and tell her all about what happened and then have her drag you back to our apartment if that's what it takes! And don't think you can just leave while I go to school, I will handcuff you to the bed if you misbehave."

Shinra then grabbed my hand and gently pulled me off the couch and out the door. I gave up on refusing. It was either this or go back to the orphanage and most likely, get the shit beat out of me. And struggling was just causing me more pain.

We finally arrived at Shinra's apartment; Celty was not home at the moment. She was probably out looking for her head again. Shinra was going on about his undying love for the dullahan and how he liked her better without a head. I eventually just tuned him out as I sat on the couch and watched the news.

"Are you listening?" Shinra jumped on the couch, making me hiss in pain at the unexpected movement. "Oops, sorry. Oh! Let me go get you some pain medication!" Shinra ran off into the other room.

I would never get used to having Shinra around. He's a nice guy and I did like him, but he was too energetic for me. That's why I liked Shizuo so much, when he wasn't throwing vending machines out of anger; he was a pretty calm guy. He didn't mind that I couldn't talk much but somehow he still managed to hold a conversation with me. That's just another reason why I had to fix this.

Shinra ran back into the room while I was lost in thought. He tossed an orange bottle at me and it landed in my lap as I made no effort to catch it.

"Take one every 8 hours. They are pretty strong and they might make you drowsy." I popped one into my mouth and swallowed it dry.

Suddenly, the front door opened and Celty walked in. Shinra jumped off the couch and into Celty's arms. She caught him and then immediately dropped him, his butt hitting the hard floor with a thump. I tried to get up to greet Celty but the movement caused me to hiss in pain, so I simply greeted her with a nod. Celty took out her phone and started typing up a message. She then held the screen up to my face.

[Are you hurt?] I shook my head in denial. Shinra just gave me a look as in to tell me to stop lying.

"Yes, my love. He is indeed hurt. Shizuo hit him and broke a couple of his ribs." That was a horrible way to explain the situation. Celty shook with anger. Even though Celty and Shizuo were pretty close, she wouldn't put up with it if Shizuo ever went out of control. Shinra put his hands on her shoulders in an effort to calm her down. "Celty, it was an accident. He didn't mean it. You know he would never actually hurt Itsuki-kun on purpose. Things happened and they just got out of hand." Shinra looked at her with a pleading look as in to beg her to understand.

"It was my fault..." My quiet whisper resonated through the apartment, I hadn't intended for it to be heard. Shinra just looked at me in shock, while Celty slowly walked over and sat next to me.

[It's not your fault, Itsuki-san. I bet Shizuo is blaming himself right now too. No one is at fault. It was an accident, right?] The screen read. I nodded. It was an accident but if I wasn't so weak, none of this would have happened, and Shizuo wouldn't be pushing me away.


	2. Chapter 2

1 WEEK LATER

I still wasn't allowed to leave this room, and Shinra had told me Shizuo hadn't been at school either. I needed to make sure my friend was okay. Sadly, I couldn't even get out of bed without some assistance. Celty has put her search for her head on hold to take care of me while Shinra was at school. Celty was pretty good except when it came to cooking. Her food was horrible but I ate it anyway.

Shinra walked in the room, he had stopped off at Shizuo's apartment after school to make sure he was still alive. I looked at him with hope, begging him to tell me that Shizuo was okay.

"Well... Shizuo was home. He refused to open the door though. He told me he wouldn't be at school for a while. He has some stuff to deal with." Shinra paused, looking troubled. "I told him you were staying with me, that you have some broken ribs." He paused again and turned around, his back to me. "He told me he doesn't want us to hang around him anymore. That he doesn't need us." I felt my chest tighten. Hearing those words hurt; they hurt more than any broken bone. "I think he's just trying to keep us safe, he doesn't want to hurt anyone. But... it's worse than I thought."

I tried to sit up, the pain shooting through my ribs causing me to hiss. Pushing through the pain I managed to move myself into a sitting position. Shinra ran to me when he heard the pained noises.

"You shouldn't sit up, your ribs aren't healed yet." Shinra tried to push me back into bed, but I pushed his hand away and put my legs over the edge of the bed. "Don't you dare, Itsuki! Don't make me get Celty!" I carefully stood on my feet, ignoring my friend as he went on with his threats. "Itsuki! Stop!"

I ran out the room and towards the front door. Running hurt, it hurt a lot but I knew what I had to do. I had to talk to Shizuo, and I had to do it now. Shinra was yelling for Celty in the background as I left the apartment and down the stairs. The pain was almost unbearable but I pushed through.

I made it out of the building and ran towards Shizuo's apartment, using the back alleys so that when Celty got on her bike she wouldn't be able to find me. I could feel the cold concrete under my bare feet. I didn't have time to grab my shoes or a jacket. The cold air blew through my short sleeved shirt causing a chill to run up my spine and I finally stopped running. I was far enough that I wouldn't have to worry about Shinra catching up. I made my way through the alleys towards Shizuo.

It took a lot longer than I had expected due to the pain and the air was getting colder and colder but I finally arrived at the front of the apartment building. No Celty or Shinra in sight. I ran up the stairs, stopping every couple of steps to catch my breath. I stared at the door in front of me. There was a large dent in the metal door. Shizuo..

I knocked lightly, still pretty winded and cold.

"Who is it? Shinra, I swear to god if that's you..." I inhaled a big breathe before I yelled.

"SHIZUO PLEASE LET ME IN!" I don't remember ever yelling like that before and it hurt my throat. It wasn't as loud as I had meant it to be, I was still pretty out of breath.

The door opened.

"Itsuki..." I felt my heart throb. Shizuo. His face looked as if he had been crying; his knuckles were wrapped in bandages.

"Shizzy-kun..." I paused, I was at a loss of words. So I did the only thing I could. I ran and embraced Shizuo, burying my face into Shizuo's chest. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. It's all my fault." I sobbed quietly, I couldn't help it.

SHIZUO'S POV

Tears were soaking into my grey T-shirt. I refused to touch the boy that was holding me tight, like I was the only thing grounding him to the earth. I couldn't, what if I hurt him again? I needed to stop this no matter how much I didn't want to.

"Itsuki, stop." I said in the most demanding voice I could. I felt Itsuki tense. "Get off of me." Itsuki slowly let his arms fall, he refused to look up.

"Leave me alone. For good. Don't come back. I don't want to be your friend anymore."

It was killing me just saying it, but when that face finally looked up at me, I felt as if I had died. Itsuki had tears running down his cheeks, and his eyes told how broken he felt on the inside. I just wanted to hug him close and tell him I didn't mean it. But I had to do this, for the safety of my friends.

I retreated back into my apartment and slammed the door in Itsuki's face, before I could change my mind. I could hear my once close friend sobbing as he pounded his fists against the door. I ran into my room so I couldn't hear the sound of some close to me breaking down. I rested my back against the door, holding back my tears as I slid down to the floor. I couldn't believe I just did that. I had just ended my friendship with the person I cared for most.

"Itsuki, please understand. I'm doing this for you..." I whispered to myself.

I crawled over to my bed and pushed my face into the bed and fell into a dreamless sleep.

I woke a couple hours later to the sound of my phone ringing. I got up and walked into the living room to retrieve my phone. By the time I got there the ringing had stopped. I also noticed I couldn't hear any one at the door anymore.

"Good, he finally went home.. it's for the best." I looked at my phone, 18 missed calls and 5 unread messages.

[From: Shinra

Shizuo i know u r still beating urself up about the hole itsuki incident but we all no it was an accident. We dont blame you it wasnt your fault. Please just call me so we can talk. Itsuki is taking this all pretty hard.]

Ugh Shinra. Why couldn't they just leave me alone. That message was from before Shinra came to see me after school.

[From: Shinra

Please call me itsuki ran out and hes probably headed to ur place. Hes still hurt and he shouldnt be out of bed. Plus he forgot his shoes and jacket and his cell. please bring him home]

Shit, I hadn't even noticed he wasn't wearing any shoes. It's already dark out so it's gotten even colder now. But he's probably home, so there's nothing to worry about.

[From: Celty

Shizuo, Itsuki still hasn't come home. Please tell me he's with you. He's been gone for almost 2 hours and we haven't heard anything. We are really worried. And it's getting dark.]

Okay, now I was starting to freak out. That message was sent 3 hours ago. There are two more messages so maybe he made it home? Or maybe he didn't. If Itsuki didn't make it home, it would be my fault again, and after what I said to him. I was starting to think the worst as I opened the next message.

[From: Izaya

SHIZU-CHAN! I got a call from Shinra looking for Itsuki. You guys didn't break up, did you? Awwww, did you break that poor boys heart just like his rib cage? Ooops that was mean. ^_^]

"THAT GOD DAMN FLEA! I'M GONNA KILL HIM!" But as I calmed down and thought about it. If Shinra was that desperate to find Itsuki that he would call Izaya, not a good sign.

[From: Shinra

To: Shizuo, Izaya, Kadota, Simon, Erika, Walker, Saburou

Guys we cant find itsuki... its been over 5 hours. Hes hurt and he doesnt have anything to keep him warm. I need a search party. If any1 finds him call me please. really worried.]

"Shit." I rushed to put on my shoes and ran out the door still putting on my jacket.

ITSUKI'S POV

It's cold; so very cold. I was leaning up against the wall. I was cold and tired, and my ribs were hurting like crazy. I just wanted to go to sleep and forget that any of this happened. I just wanted things to go back to how they were. I just want my Shizuo back. I slowly slid down the brick wall and curled into a ball. I had decided that I couldn't go on any more. I had lost my way while I was running. My tears made my vision blurry so I think I took a wrong turn and now I don't know where I am.

It was getting dark and I was starting to get scared. I curled in on myself even tighter; tears falling down my cheeks. I know I probably look pathetic, but at the moment, I was filled with too much sorrow to care.

I slowly drifted off to sleep, dreaming of the good old days when everything was normal, or what I knew as normal.

SHIZUO'S POV

I ran through the back alleys, calling Itsuki's name every couple of feet. What if something happened to him? I would never forgive myself. I should've realized that something was wrong. Itsuki wasn't wearing a jacket and its cold out; he wasn't even wearing shoes. How could I have not realized that! I was so angry at myself that I punched the closest wall and watched as my blood started seeping from my bandages and dripping down my arm. This was all my fault; everything was my fault. Why couldn't I just be a normal person!?

I continued walking down the alleys, cursing to myself. I stopped mid-step when I heard a slight rustle coming from around the corner. I slowly turned and whispered Itsuki's name.

ITSUKI'S POV

I awoke to the sound of footsteps.

"Shizuo?" I whispered, but got no confirmation.

I couldn't see who it was; my eyes were still blurry from waking out of a deep sleep. I felt whoever it was putting my arms through the sleeves of a warm jacket. Then I was lifted off of the cold floor and carried off piggy back style. I could tell it was a man now due to the grunt he gave out when lifting me. The warmth coming off of this person's back felt wonderful against my freezing cold skin. I quickly fell back asleep; I was too tired to keep my eyes open with the comforting warmth of this man.

SHIZUO'S POV

"God damn cat! Scared the shit out of me!" I looked down at the cat rubbing against my legs, disappointment filling my chest. I had really hoped that it was Itsuki making that rustling. What if they never found him? What if he got hurt? What if... what if he hurt himself! I pulled out my phone and dialed Shinra's number. This was killing me.


	3. Chapter 3

ITSUKI'S POV

A couple of hours later, I woke up in a warm bed. I blinked the feeling of sleep out of my eyes, and looked around. I was back at Shinra's apartment. Then I remembered what happened. Shizuo, and his harsh words and then I was going to come home, but I lost my way and fell asleep. Then someone was carrying me. And now I'm here so it had to be someone who knew where Shinra lived. Shizuo?

I slowly lifted myself out of bed, my ribs throbbed. As soon as I stood on two feet I felt my head rush and had to sit back down.

"Oh, you're awake." Shinra walked in the door, holding a tray with a... syringe on it? "I'm very angry with you Itsuki. You caused a lot of trouble!" I looked down at the ground, too ashamed to look him in the eyes.

"Sorry..." I said quietly. Shinra looked at me, stunned. It wasn't every day someone got to hear me talk, except for Shizuo.

"It's alright. You're safe and that's all that matters, but you do have a fever. You got an infection from the broken ribs and the cold didn't help at all." He picked up the syringe and I visibly tensed. I had never liked needles. "I need to give you a shot for the fever. Don't be a baby, it won't hurt." He said as he grabbed my arm and tied an elastic band around my forearm. I looked away as Shinra plunged the needle into my arm. I yelped and shut my eyes tight. Shinra pulled the needle out. "See all done."

"Shinra?" Shinra just looked at me for a moment before he realized I wanted to talk to him. Not Shizuo, him. He felt pretty happy with himself about that, I could tell. He probably thought I was finally warming up to him but I wasn't. I just needed answers.

"Hmm? Is something wrong?"

"Who... who carried me here?"

'Please say Shizuo; please.' I begged in my mind. I needed to know that Shizuo stilled cared. That he didn't really mean what he said.

"I did!" A sing-song voice came from the doorway. There stood Izaya Orihara; Shizuo's biggest enemy. "Itsy-chan looked so cold and helpless, like a stray kitten!" He said as he walked into the room and sat next to me on the bed. "Did you know I love cats?" He scooted a little closer with a mischievous grin spread across his face.

"Izaya, if you think you're going to annoy Shizuo by messing with Itsuki, it's just going to backfire." Izaya shot him a questioning look, feigning innocence.

"Oh, whatever are you going on about, my dear Shinra? I was just helping out a friend in need." He was being overly dramatic. Then he looked back to me. "So I heard you and Shizu-chan broke up? If you ever want someone better, you've always got me." I just stared at him, Izaya stared back. "What's wrong with you? You hit your head or something? Speak. Come on, you can do it."

"Izaya, I'm going to have to ask you to leave now. I don't appreciate you talking to my friend like he's a dog. And they were never dating, I don't get where everyone is getting that from." Shinra said ushering Izaya out.

"Oh, I'm the one who started that rumor. And I already said he was a cat, so he can't be a dog. Plus I hate dogs. And I like Itsuki, so therefore he's obviously a cat." He rambled on and on. This guy doesn't shut up. I decided I do not like Izaya. "Is this any way to treat the guy who saved his life? I carried him all the way here. I'm not the protozoan. I don't have monster strength. He's a lot heavier than he looks!"

Shinra was about to shut the door in his face when a very familiar shout was heard.

"IZZAAAAAYYYAAAA!"

I stood up, rushing to the front room, using the wall for support. I watched as Izaya ran back into the apartment and towards me, he was using me as a human shield from Shizuo's wrath.

SHIZUO'S POV

I ran in, ripping the front door off the hinges, ready to throw. I managed to stop myself before I threw the door, there he was. Itsuki was safe. But that flea was hiding behind him. His hands were on my Itsuki's shoulders. I dropped the door, almost crushing Shinra. I walked over to Itsuki and grabbed his shoulder and pulled him into my own body, to get him away from the flea. He grunted in pain and I immediately felt guilty for being so rough with him.

"Keep your dirty parasitic hands off him." Shizuo growled.

"Ouch, Shizu-chan. Sorry to tell you this," Izaya put his hands up in surrender. "But I'm the one who saved him while you locked yourself in your room like a baby." Izaya made baby crying motions under his eyes. "Wah. I'm a monster and I hurt everyone around me. Boo hoo. No one loves me."

ITSUKI'S POV

I was frozen. I was with Shizuo. This was my chance to fix things, but Izaya is making things worse. I had to do something.

"Sh-Shizuo isn't a monster," I started quietly but it still got everyone's attention. "H-He's a human being. He's... my best friend. Or he was." I slowly fell to my knees. "I just want things to go back to the way they were." Shizuo said nothing; he just looked down at me as I started to cry. I was pathetic, I couldn't even hold back my own tears.

"Ha! This is precious. He breaks your ribs and leaves you in the cold to die, yet you are still willing to forgive him!?" Izaya was losing his composure and Shizuo was about to rip Shinra's apartment apart.

"Izaya, you should go." Shinra said nervously, he didn't want Shizuo to redecorate his apartment. He already has to buy a new door. "Thank you for carrying Itsuki here. We really appreciate it, but you aren't welcome here anymore."

"Pfft. Fine, I don't care." He made it to the door and then stopped and turned around.

SHIZUO'S POV

"Hey Itsuki, if you ever need someone, I put my number in your phone." And with that he left with a wave and smile on his face, I wanted to wipe that smile right of his ugly mug.

"Well that was... interesting." Said Shinra. "I should probably go call Celty. I'll be back." Shinra went into the other room leaving Itsuki still kneeling on the floor and me just standing there.

I was thinking I should probably leave; I hadn't expected things to go like this. I was just planning on checking to make sure Itsuki was alive. I wasn't even going to let him know I was here, but that stupid flea always had to ruin everything.

Thinking back, I had never heard Itsuki say that much at one time. He was still sitting there with his head down, looking at the floor as tears fell down his face. This was heartbreaking, to think I did all of this, I caused all of this pain. I was about to leave when I heard a soft mumble come from the orange haired boy. Itsuki lifted a hand and grabbed onto my pant leg. It wasn't a tight grip, I could easily move my leg and the hand would fall away.

"What." I grimaced at the harshness in my tone. I hadn't meant for it to come out like that, but I needed to leave before things get worse.

"Please..." Itsuki whispered.

"Please what? Get on with it. I'm not taking back what I said. I simply don't want to be your friend anymore." Itsuki cringed. I didn't want to be mean, but it had to be done. There was no other way. Itsuki wouldn't listen if I told him that I needed to stay away from him to keep him safe, so I need to make it so that he thinks I don't want to be his friend. It's killing me but I have to do it, for him.

"Don't leave me too." It was nothing but a whisper. Like I wasn't meant to hear it, but I did. Then the hand grasping my pants released. I was frozen to the spot, then it hit me. 'Don't leave me too.' His parents… his parents are dead. I felt like I couldn't breathe and time was frozen.


	4. Chapter 4

ITSUKI'S POV

"Please..."

I didn't know what else to say. I was so broken inside. My parents left me, I know they didn't die on purpose but it still feels like they left me behind. My remaining family left me to live in an orphanage. None of the other orphans talked to me. Shizuo was all I had left. He was the only thing that made each day worth it.

What would I do if I couldn't see Shizuo's smile, or hear his deep rumbling laugh. If I never got to experience another day of eating lunch together, or watching cartoons, or going to the park, or listening to him talk about literally nothing. I didn't want it to just end. I love him and I need him in my life.

"Please what? Get on with it." With each word, I broke, into little tiny pieces. "I'm not taking back what I said. I simply don't want to be your friend anymore." Until I was nothing but dust. I cringed. The pain in my heart becoming too much to bare.

"Don't leave me too." It came out as nothing but a whisper but I knew Shizuo heard it. This was it, I had decided. If Shizuo walked out, I would give up. If he stayed, then things could be fixed.

I didn't hear anything for a couple of minutes. I started to grow more hopeful with each passing second. Was he staying? Then I heard footsteps.

"Itsuki? Why are you still on the floor?"

Shinra walked over and put a hand on my shoulder. I looked up and around the room. Shizuo was nowhere in sight. I couldn't stop myself, I burst into tears. I had never cried this much before, not even when my parents died. They said I was in shock back then so that explained why I felt nothing but numb.

Well, that numb was coming back.

SHIZUO'S POV

"Shit." I cursed as I ran.

I haven't stopped running since I left Shinra's. I managed to sneak out pretty quietly. I couldn't face him any longer. Itsuki meant more to me than my happiness. Of course I wanted to go back to the way things were before. I didn't want to leave him. I wanted to stay by his side and tell him everything was going to be alright, but things were beyond that. He'll get over it eventually. He's got Shinra.

"I'm a monster. I don't deserve friends like you and Shinra, Itsuki. I'm sorry." I burst into my apartment, slammed the door a little too hard and ran to my room. I fell face first on my bed and cried into the pillow. "I'm so sorry!" I yelled to no one. Lost in my own grief, I cried myself to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

3 WEEKS LATER

ITSUKI'S POV

"You can officially return to school! Your ribs are all healed." Shinra announced. "You can also go back to the orphanage." Great. The orphanage. "Orrrrr... you could stay here with me and Celty!" Shinra said with a smile. "I already talked to Celty and she's all for it. So if you want, you could come stay here!" I shook my head in rejection.

I may like Shinra but I would only get in the way. I had given up on Shizuo, no matter how much it hurt. School was going to be torture, so I wasn't going to go anymore. I had known Shizuo since we were small children, so everything in this city has sentimental value.

"It's alright, I understand. If you change your mind though, just let me know! We'll keep your room ready for you just in case!" I nodded a small thank you and said my goodbyes. I headed towards the orphanage. Things just needed to go back to the way they were, but they won't, they never will because my life was never normal and now I lost the only thing holding me to this place.

I really just want to get away, from the memories; the pain; everything. Everything in Ikebukero was just too painful. I haven't spoken to Shizuo since he walked out. I also haven't cried since. Or spoken. I just feel... numb.

I arrived at the orphanage. It was on the outskirts of the city but I was still close enough to attend Raira Academy. I walked up those rotting wooden steps and opened the large front door with a creak that could barely be heard over the yelling of children; so many children. I walked up the second set of stairs to get to the bedroom. Rows and rows of bunk beds. Only a few children were here in the orphanage at the moment and none of them paid any attention to me. I was a nobody to everyone else here.

I pulled open the drawer under my bed and grabbed my school bag. I turned the bag upside down and spilled my books and papers all across the floor, emptying the bag. I took the old tattered notebook off the floor; my songbook. Not many people knew this but I loved music. I loved writing, composing, and playing the guitar. Shizuo, Shinra and Celty bought me a beautiful blue electric guitar for my 14th birthday. It's my most prized possession, or my only possession. The guitar was pretty damaged nowadays due to the other orphans not respecting the fact that it wasn't theirs.

I opened up my song book and on the first page there was a photograph held in place by a paper clip. It was an old Polaroid photo of Shizuo and I from back when we were little.

We were at the park; Kasuka had his mother's old Polaroid camera and he wanted to take a picture but couldn't decide what. He didn't want to waste the last sheet of film. I had fallen off the slide and scraped my knee. Shizuo had run all the way home to get his first aid kit. Kasuka and I sat on the park bench waiting for Shizuo to come back, the only noise between us was the sounds of my sniffling. When Shizuo returned he disinfected my scrape and gave me a Buzz Light-year band-aid.

"Please don't cry anymore. I'll take care of you, I always will." That's when Kasuka took the picture. Shizuo kneeled in front of me, putting a Buzz Light-year band aid on my knee. Kasuka then gave the picture to me and I saved it ever since. It was a good memory. But now it was just painful.

I ripped two blank pages out of my song book and got to work. I was leaving, this was it. But I didn't want Shinra to worry. And I decided to write a letter to Shizuo too, I have a few final things to say to him. I was leaving Ikebukero and never coming back.

I wrote my notes and grabbed my guitar and slung my bag over my shoulder. I then dug through the drawer one more time and went to my secret jar. I took out all the money I've been saving. I was planning on using it to buy Shizuo a really nice birthday present but that's kind of out of the question now. A total of $650. That should be enough until I can get a job.

I walked down the steps one last time and walked past the bustling children that I hope I never see again. I waved goodbye to the shitty building that was falling apart and left, never turning back. No one would even notice I'm gone. It's late now so Shinra probably won't read the letter until tomorrow morning; I'll be long gone by then. I don't know where I'm going, I'll just keep walking until I end up somewhere.

SHIZUO'S POV

Monday mornings sucked. Not to mention I've been depressed ever since that day. Life is so dull without having Itsuki around all the time. Even though he didn't talk much, he always had this aura about him that was so... calming. I know I miss him like crazy.

I got out of bed and walked towards the kitchen. I stopped in the hallway; there was a paper by my front door. Looks like someone slid it under the door. I leaned down and picked it up. It was just a piece of ripped notebook paper folded in half. As I examined it, something fell out, it looked like a photograph. I picked it up gently. It was pretty old and I didn't want to rip it. It was an old Polaroid of me and... Itsuki. I was putting a band aid on Itsuki's knee. But the smile on Itsuki's face just broke my heart.

What happened to us? Oh, that's right. I'm a monster. I rested my forehead on the door in front of me. A single tear rolled down my cheek and dripped right onto the photo. I panicked and ran to the kitchen to get some paper towels. I didn't want to ruin this photo just like I ruin everything else. I gently wiped up the tear from the picture with only slight smudging.

"Oh, a letter came with this. Itsuki, he always used to do stupid stuff like this." I picked up the paper that I threw on the table and sat in one of the chairs. I carefully opened the letter and it read:

Shizuo,

You were a great friend, I couldn't have asked for much more in a person. You were always by my side and even though I'm not very good at expressing anything, being around you always made me really happy. Ever since my parents died, things have always been kind of dull, but you made things better. You gave me a reason to get up and go to school every day. If it weren't for you, I probably would've given up. But you helped me through an awful time in my life.

Thank you, Shizuo. Thank you for putting up with me for so long. I'm sorry that things ended the way they did but I can understand. People think you and I are gay so the best way to deal with that is to get away from me. I understand, I really do. I'm sorry I made this so hard.

Everything in Ikebukero reminds me of the time we spent together. All the memories. I'm not sad anymore, I was at first but now I understand. I kind of don't feel anything. But staying in Ikebukero makes me want to be with you and that can't happen. So I'm leaving. It's the only solution. I'm going to start new. I'm going to try to get a band together and do what I love. Whether it works out or not isn't for me to decide. I won't be coming back. There's no reason to.

This is what I have to do. There is nothing here for me. Not anymore. I just don't want you to worry. I was going to leave eventually, and this is just the opportune moment. I slipped Shinra a similar letter so that he won't worry either. I don't need the black rider coming after me.

Oh, I had that old photo; you can do whatever you want with it. It was a good memory, but it's just a little too painful for me to hold on to. I will never forget the time we shared together so I don't need a photo to make my heart ache more than it already does.

Goodbye Shizzy-kun.

Itsuki Watanabe

P.S. You're not a monster and don't let anyone tell you differently.

"Oh, god." I couldn't breathe. I ran to my bedroom, grabbed my phone and dialed Shinra.

"Mmm...Hello?" Great, he had just woken up so he hadn't seen the note yet. Just great.

"Go check your mail."

"Hmm? Shizuo...What?"

"JUST DO IT!" I screamed into the phone. I was losing my patience.

"Shizuo! I haven't talked to you in over a month and this is how I get...Oh? What's this?"

"Well?"

"There's a letter from Itsuki on my floor? Hey, how did you..."

"Just read it! Out loud!" I cut him off.

"God, fine fine. AGHHEMMM!" Shinra cleared his voice.

"Hurry up drama queen. I need you all caught up before I can talk to you."

"Shizuo so grumpy." He huffed into the phone. "Shinra, I'm leaving Ikebukero. Thanks for all the hospitality but I need to leave. There's nothing left for me here...HE LEFT!"

"There ya go. Finally all caught up. Go find him."

"Wha...WHAT!?" Ugh. His voice was so annoying in the morning. "Why don't we go together? I'm not going on my own. And plus, I doubt I could bring him back anyway." Damn it. That was true. Itsuki wouldn't listen to Shinra.

"Do you have any idea where he might have gone?"

"No Shizuo. I wasn't his best friend since fucking elementary school! He barely talks to me!" This was going to be a pain. "Maybe we should just let him go. He'd probably be better off."

"What are you saying!? He... I... I can't just let him go."

"But you already did. You walked out on him. I'm sorry Shizuo but that's the truth. This is the best for him. He's not a child, he can take care of himself. He needs to start new."

"I... but what if he needs me?"

"Look now the roles are reversed. Now you're begging him to come back. If he needs you, he'll come to you. But not that I think he will, you pushed him away and now he's gone." I felt my chest tightening. I wasn't angry. Usually I would be going on a rage but right now I just want to go to sleep. "You pushed us all away." My eyes stung with tears.

"I'm sorry. This isn't what I wanted. I'm so sorry." I sobbed.

"Shizuo... do you want to walk to school together?" But what if I hurt him? I hurt Kirito and look what happened. But that was my own fault. I lost control and then I rejected the help presented to me. I rejected my best friend and now he's gone. I won't ever be able to find him unless he wants to be found. Which he obviously doesn't.

"Yea.. that sounds good." I wasn't going to lose anyone else.


	6. Chapter 6

Over the next couple of years a new band became pretty popular. They went by the name Joker Trap. They were becoming more and more famous with every passing day. Apparently, the singer had the voice of an angel and played the most beautiful guitar riffs. Shizuo and Shinra were pretty out of the loop when it came to music. Itsuki was the music guy.

Itsuki never came back. He never called. Nothing. Shizuo didn't even know if he was still alive. He could've died the day he left and no one would've known. Pretty depressing. Shizuo never forgot about him but the pain became easier and easier. Shinra and Shizuo became pretty close over the years, never as close as Itsuki though. He wouldn't make the same mistake twice. Shizuo still has never had a girlfriend in fear of hurting the poor girl, not that any girl would ever want a monster.

Shinra and Shizuo graduated high school and Shinra became a full-fledged underground doctor. Shizuo was doing odd jobs. Not many places would hire him and the ones that did eventually regretted it. Kasuka got him a job as a bartender and with it came his signature bartender suit. The job didn't last long thanks to the flea. He still chases Izaya around Ikebukero, who is now a very annoying information broker. Celty is still looking for her head. Kadota is still hanging around the same group doing only god knows what. Things have become normal. Tom eventually offered Shizuo a job as a body guard/debt collector. Tom became a good friend too, but he never filled that void that Itsuki left.

SHIZUO'S POV

I walked down the streets of Ikebukero, listening to the sounds of the bustling city.

"JokerTrap is coming to Ikebukero! I was always wondering why they played every other city except Ikebukero." I just rolled my eyes at the group of girls standing around the news stand, gawking at some stupid band. "ITSUKI IS SOOOO CUTE!" The other girls all nodded in agreement. That name. That name definitely caught my attention. I walked over to the girls. I had to make sure. "But it's so sad that... HEY!" I grabbed the magazine out of the girls' hands; interrupting her.

"Show me Itsuki." I demanded to the already frightened girls. They knew who I was. Everybody knew who the strongest man in Ikebukero was; Shizuo Heiwajima.

"He's...He's right here. T...this one." She said pointing to the orange haired boy. Yupp. That was him. The girls ran off as I was lost in thought. He made it. I couldn't help but smile.

I dialed Shinra's number, I had to tell him.

"Shinra, you're never going to guess what I just found out."

"Shizuo, I'm a little busy. I'm currently performing surgery."

"Whaa...then why did you answer the phone?" I knew Shinra was a good doctor but answering the phone during surgery, c'mon.

"SHIZUO! I thought it was important! Anyway, what did you have to tell me?"

"JokerTrap is coming to Ikebukero!"

"Since when did you care about that?"

"Since I found out who the lead singer is." I couldn't hold back my excitement. I felt like a high school girl.

"Oh and who would that be exactly?" Shinra was sounding bored of the conversation.

"Oh, I don't know. It's some guy with orange hair."

"Mhmmm." Oh now that was just rude.

"His name's something with an… I. Hmmmm…"

"Mhmmm. Shizuo I'm alittle busy, can this wait?"

"Shinra. You aren't listening to a word I'm saying are you?"

"Bits and pieces. Can you just get to the point."

"Itsuki is the lead singer of JokerTrap and they are coming to Ikebukero." Then I heard a crash come from the other side of the phone. That was the reaction I was waiting for.

"Shit… I gotta call you back. Gimme 10 minutes."

"Alright, bye." I hung up and lit a cigarette.

Itsuki was finally coming back. I looked back down at the magazine I was holding. Itsuki has really grown up. He still looks small and fragile with a bit of a baby face, but more worn out. He looks good, but not so good at the same time.

I sat down on the bench and looked through the rest of the magazine. JokerTrap was all over the magazine. They were on the front cover, they had a huge section with a full photo shoot. Itsuki really made it. I wasn't reading any of the segments about JokerTrap, just looking at how much my old friend has changed. I felt a pang in my heart when I realized he went on without me. He changed and I wasn't there for him. Then my phone rang, breaking me out of those depressing thoughts.

"Hai."

"Okay so tell me more! Tell me everything you know!" Shinra, as excited about everything as ever.

"Well Itsuki is the singer and lead guitar of JokerTrap and they are coming to Ikebukero. Hold on, I've got a magazine." I decided to skim through the magazine to give my friend more info. "It says that JokerTrap is currently the hottest band in Japan."

"Wow! So he really made it! I'm so proud of him! Wait until I tell Celty!" Celty would be pretty happy, during the time that Itsuki stayed with them, Celty and Itsuki got pretty close. Celty was also pretty bummed when Itsuki left. She wanted to search for him but Shinra talked her out of it.

"It also says that they have several platinum hits and won a bunch of awards at the national music festival. Their music is starting to branch out to other countries, like America, London, China.

"Oh, that's so exciting! I know a world famous celebrity! Do you think he'll want to see us?" I felt another pang in my heart. What if Itsuki didn't want to see me? What if Itsuki forgot about me? He is famous now after all.

"We'll just have to wait and see."

"So you're actually going to try to talk to him!?" Yea, I was. I was over what happened way back then. I acted like a child; I didn't care about Itsuki's feelings in the incident. I would understand if Itsuki never wanted to see me again. I just hope that isn't the case.

"Yea, of course! I'm over what happened. I made a mistake and I acted badly about it. As long as he's willing to see me, then I would love to see him."

"I can't wait! Here we come, Itsuki! Ooo! Tell me more! What else does the magazine say!?" Shinra was really excited to see our old friend again. I just hoped Itsuki would want to see us.

"Okay, okay. It says here, they've been touring all around Japan for the past 2 years and that Ikebukero is their last stop. That for some unknown reason, Ikebukero was avoided throughout their entire career. Ugh, that makes me feel like shit."

"Hey, you don't know that that's the reason. Maybe it's something else. He did say in his letter that he didn't ever want to come back to Ikebukero because of the memories. For all you know, his parents could be the reason."

"How do you remember what the letter said so well!? Photographic memory?"

"No… I-I read it every once in awhile." Shinra. I never realized how big of an impact Itsuki leaving left on Shinra. I thought I was the only one who read the letter every night. I would fall asleep every once in a while holding onto that photo that I had stashed under my pillow.

"Me too, Shinra. Me too. But this is our chance to see him again."

"Yea!"

"Oh, there's an entire article about Itsuki. It says he doesn't talk much but he has the voice of an angel."

"So he hasn't change in that way. Still doesn't talk much; big shocker." Shinra laughed.

"Wait. Shinra. This article..." I couldn't breathe.

"Shizuo? Shizuo, what's wrong!?"

"Shinra. This article says..."

"Read me the article."

"The lead singer of JokerTrap, Itsuki Watanabe, was recently..." I felt my chest tighten.

"Shizuo, calm down and read me the rest."

"He was recently diagnosed with stage 4 non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, a cancer of the white blood cells. He is currently rejecting treatment for an unknown reason. Itsuki refuses to talk about the subject to anyone, not even his own band mates."

Silence.

"Shinra?"

...beep.

He hung up. I couldn't believe it. Why was Itsuki rejecting treatment? I continued to read the article.

'With treatment, survival rate is only 40%... Fans not happy... 3 years to live.' Wait what? I read back over that last line.

'If Itsuki Watanabe does not receive treatment, he will only have 3 years to live, and it will be a very painful death. With no living family and no girlfriend, Itsuki will die alone with nothing but his legacy.'

What... I knew what I had to do. I had to go to that concert and I HAD to talk to Itsuki, even if I had to force my way through.

"The concert is in 2 days." I realized I should probably go check on Shinra. So I stood up and walked towards Shinra's apartment.


	7. Chapter 7

THE NEXT DAY

ITSUKI'S POV

I was not looking forward to going back to Ikebukero. What if I ran into Shizuo... it's still too painful. It's been 8 years and I still think about everything I left behind almost every day. And now to top it all off, I have fucking cancer. I just want to get this over with.

My band mates are all being especially loud tonight, so I couldn't focus on the song I was currently writing. I wanted it to be ready for our show in Ikebukero; it is a very important show to me. I know my condition is just going to get worse, so I want to enjoy the time I have left with the people who cared about me. Oh, right. That would be no one. I'm alone and I know it. Yea, the entire country idolizes me, but they don't see me as a person with feelings, they see me as a person with fame. They don't know me. That's precisely why half of the country is angry with me right now for not getting treatment.

There were many reasons to not get treatment. I'm alone. I have no one to care for me. I'm afraid of needles. I'm afraid. I'm scared and I don't have anyone to tell me that everything is going to be okay.

Radiation and Chemotherapy come with side effects. Who would care for me? Yea, I could hire someone but it wouldn't be the same. I have nothing to fight for. I already had my dream come true and it wasn't satisfying. I have no one to share it with. I have the money, the fame, the love of millions of girls and boys across the country, but I have no one. I'm alone, and I will die alone.

I have a hole in my heart that can't be filled by anyone. The only person that could fill it, doesn't want anything to do with me.

A pillow hit me in the head, breaking me out of my thoughts.

"Oops, sorry Itsuki! My bad, really. Hand slipped and all!" Takeshi roared from across the tour bus. He was kind of a jerk, but he meant well. "Why don't you throw that pillow back at me, as hard as you can! I won't even try to block it. Sounds pretty good, eh?" His red eyes looked at me pleadingly. I know he is just trying to get me more into the band. But they didn't know what I had planned at the end of this show; I plan to tell everyone at the same time. Right after my new song.

I ripped several sheets out of my songbook and stood up. I handed one to each of my band mates. One to Ryu, the bassist. He had long black hair that was pulled back into a short ponytail. His bright green eyes looked up at me with curiosity. Ryu was the calmest of the group, and the smartest. Ryu and I got along the best. We shared books and wrote songs together. Ryu didn't mind that I didn't like talking.

Next, I handed a paper to Takeshi, the drummer. Bright blonde hair, just like Shizuo, but Takeshi was nothing like Shizuo. Takeshi was loud and energetic. He liked to do lots of sports and keep life interesting. Takeshi also liked to attempt to get me to speak or be a part of their games.

The last paper went to Haru, the smallest of the group, but also the kindest. He was also the second guitar and at times, keyboard. He was just a pure, good natured boy. He had curly brown hair and his eyes were so dark, they looked black. He was the "cutie" of the band. He was also the youngest. He was 22 years old while I was 24, Ryu was 25, and Takeshi was 24.

"A new song, eh?"

"Itsuki, where are the lyrics?" I shook my head at Haru, and Ryu understood.

"It's a secret song. So secret he doesn't even want us to know what it is going to sound like. Are you sure this is going to work?" Ryu questioned me. It's not that he doubted me, the band trusted me very much. It's just that each member learning a different part of the song without hearing it all put together and performing it with no group practice is very risky. If it's bad or doesn't set up well, the whole band is in trouble.

"Trust me..." I whispered and walked towards the back of the bus. I was ready for bed.

"That guy is still a mystery, eh?"

"Ooo, I get to play keyboard! Yay!" I could hear my band mates talking as I drifted off to sleep. The big show was tomorrow. And it was going to change everything.

THE NEXT DAY

SHIZUO'S POV

"Shinra, come on! If you don't hurry, I'm going to leave without you." I screamed through the apartment.

"ONE MINUTE!"

The door finally opened and I got off the couch. Shinra was wearing a white button down shirt and black skinny jeans. While I was not wearing my bartender suit, for once. Instead, I wore a black pin stripe button down shirt and white skinny jeans with a red belt. And I looked good. I went shopping last night and spared no expense. Tonight was a special night. We were going to be reunited with our close friend, or once close friend. I wasn't sure anymore.

"You look like a teacher."

"What! Shizuo, I tried so hard..." I pushed past him and into his room. I dug through Shinra's closet and pulled out a dark blue button down shirt.

"There, put this on. At least then you won't look like a pedophile. This is a concert, not an interview." Shinra unbuttoned his shirt and put on the new one.

"Psssh bossy. I'm getting fashion tips from a guy who wears the same bartender suit every day..." Shinra sighed to himself. Shinra knew this was a big night for us, if things worked out, we'd get our best friend back. I've been beating myself up over what happened for 8 years, things have been hard for me and this was a big moment. This would either make or break me.

We were finally ready to go. The concert didn't start for another 3 hours but the event was taking place right in the center of the city and it was all first come, first serve. If I got stuck in the back, I'd never have a chance at seeing Itsuki. I had to get front row, even if I had to threaten some people. But I couldn't fight; I can't risk getting kicked out. This is my only chance.

Shinra and I walked through the city, the streets were more packed than usual. Girls running around wearing JokerTrap t-shirts.

"I'm pretty nervous, how about you Shizuo?"

"Yea, me too. I've never actually been to a concert before. I don't really like crowds too much."

Actually I hate crowds. They made me feel claustrophobic. Like if I moved even a tiny bit, I would hurt someone. But I had to do this, for Itsuki. I hurt him and now I'm going to make things better. I'm going to fix things, and I'm going to convince Itsuki to get treatment. No matter what.

"How do you think all of this is going to turn out?"

"I don't know. If Itsuki is the same as he was eight years ago, then things should go smoothly."

If Itsuki hadn't let the fame go to his head and he was the same as before, then everything would be just fine. Itsuki would forgive me and come back to Ikebukero. But, that would also mean giving up his dream. This is what he worked so hard for. I didn't want to take this away from him.

I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. People shoving past me. Shinra turned around and walked back to me.

"Shinra... do we really want to rip him away from everything he worked so hard for?" Shinra was shocked. I guess he hadn't thought about that either.

"But then again, if Itsuki doesn't get treatment then he'd be throwing everything away. So we need to help him through this first." Shinra was right. Shinra and I continued on our way towards the concert.

When we got there, the crew was still setting up but there were some people already here. Just a bunch of girls talking about who their favorite guy was. They were all pretty short so I didn't feel the need to threaten them out of the way. I could easily see over them. Off to the side, my eye caught something interesting. A bus. Could that be JokerTrap's bus?

"Oh Shizuo! Shinra!" A female called to us. I looked to the source and saw Erika waving at us. She ran over while the rest of the group made their way over slowly. "I didn't know big old Shizuo was a fan of JokerTrap! You got a crush on one of the boys?" She elbowed me in the side and winked as her friends all scratched the back of their heads nervously. Walker came over and put his hand over Erika's mouth and shouted an apology. They were afraid of me and I knew it. I didn't like it, but they had every right to be.

"No, I do not have a crush on one of the boys. One of them is actually an old friend of mine."

"You're here for Watanabe-san, right? We are too." Kadota was still a cool guy. But why was he here for Itsuki? They had never spoken before, had they? I shot Kadota a puzzling look. "Saburou wanted to see if Watanabe-san could get him in to see Hijiribe Ruri, Erika wants an autograph and Walker wants a video so he can make money. Watanabe-san really is talented, you wouldn't have guessed by looking at him... or talking to him. Still can't believe we all went to the same school." Oh they were here as fans. I had never even heard Itsuki's music before. It's kind of upsetting.

"Hey Shizuo! You know... that's their bus over there. Watanabe-san is inside. You should totally help me break in, sounds like fun right?" Erika jumped on my back, whispering in my ear.

So that was their bus. But would Itsuki get mad if I just barged in? What was I thinking, my Itsuki never got mad. I walked over towards the bus with Erika still clinging to my back. I walked up to the front door of the bus, and simply knocked.

"Whattt.. That was so boring. C'mon! Rip down the door and barge in! And take your man!" What was this girl rambling on about? I have no idea, so I just ignored her. A blonde boy with red eyes opened the door.

"What do you want?" I didn't like this guys' attitude, but I didn't want to get kicked out.

"Aghhhh! Takeshi Sakiyoshi!" Erika screamed in my ear. I gently threw her off my back immediately. Her butt hitting the concrete. "Ow! Shizuo, not nice!"

"You screamed in my ear, you deserved it." I said as the man named Takeshi just watched this all play out.

"Uhh... Sorry but no fans. Show starts in an hour." Right as the door was about to close, I grabbed it and yanked it back open.

"I'm not a fan. Itsuki Watanabe. I need to see him. He's an old friend of mine and I need to speak to him." Takeshi eyed me warily.

"Sorry but Itsuki has never talked about anyone like you, eh?"

"That's because Itsuki never talks." I reached into my back pocket and pulled out the old Polaroid photograph. "Here, I have proof." Takeshi looked at the photo with shock. I'm guessing he had never seen a picture of Itsuki as a child.

"Awwwww! He's so cute!" Came a much higher voice from behind Takeshi, causing him to straighten up.

"Oh, Haru. You scared the shit out of me!" Takeshi screamed at him as the smaller boy took the picture from his band mate's hands.

"Come on in! I didn't know Itsuki had any friends!" Haru handed the photo back and took my hand, leading me inside the large tour bus. "Follow me!"

Erika followed us in, dumbstruck. Christmas lights were hung all across the top of the bus giving it a starry sky feeling. Books were scattered everywhere, along with clothes, pillows, sodas, and other random junk. It was actually kind of messy.

"Sorry about the mess. Itsuki usually cleans up after the rest of us, but I think he gave up on us. Good reason too, eh?" Takeshi said from behind Erika. Erika just stared at Takeshi, she looked like she was about to faint.

I was starting to get nervous; I had finally reached the back of the bus. Haru knocked on the door that led to the bedroom.

"Itsuki, you have visitors. I'm coming in!" Haru burst through the door but was shocked when he was only met a face he wasn't looking for. A man with long black hair was lounging on a bed strumming his bass. "Ryu? Where's Itsuki?"

"I don't know, but he's not here." He gave Erika and I a quick glance and then dismissed us with a wave of his hand. "Leave me be. I'm practicing."

Haru shut the door and looked back at us.

"I'm sorry guys; I wish I knew where he was. We are going on soon and I need to practice before the show. Stop by after the show, maybe you'll catch him then?" I just nodded and walked out.

"Thank you. Good luck tonight!" Shouted Erika as she chased after me. "Shizuo! Wait up!" That just made me walk faster. I was angry, not at anyone. I just wanted to see my friend and make things right. I cursed to myself as I stomped off towards the stage.

"Shizuo! You left me all by myself! How could you do that to me!?" Shinra said in fake hurt tone. And then he started laughing. I just grumbled.

"Shizuo's just grumpy because he didn't get to talk to his boyfriend!" Walker and Saburou both smacked hands over Erika's mouth this time.

"Sorry about her, Heiwajima-san." Kadota apologized.

"It's... Uhh... alright." I blushed slightly. Itsuki as my boyfriend, a weird thought.

The city square was packed, there were so many people. The city was dark, the road was blocked off. I had no idea how big my friend's band really was until now.

All the lights on the stage turned off.

"WHO ARE YOU ALL HERE TO SEE!?" Boomed through the speakers, it was so loud that I thought my ear drums were going to shatter.

"JOKER TRAP!" Screamed the crowd.

The stage was still dark but you could see silhouettes of people moving out onto the stage. Then the lights turned on but not on the stage, it was aimed on the crowd and slowly made their way to the stage. The crowd was going crazy. Girls screaming and jumping. Erika being one of them.

Then I finally saw him. It had been 8 years and there he finally was. After all the regret, he was right here. So close. I could almost put out my arm and touch him. Itsuki was standing in front of me with the spotlight shining down on him and his band mates.

His bright orange hair looked even brighter with the light shining off it. He was wearing a white jacket with black trim and gold buttons, a dark purple undershirt and black skinny jeans. His bright blue guitar matched his eyes perfectly. He was still using that guitar, the one we all pitched in to buy him for his birthday, he obviously had it fixed up since it looked almost brand new. I felt my heart flutter. Maybe this meant that he wasn't angry at me for leaving him back then?


	8. Chapter 8

**Authors Note: **

**The song that Itsuki is about to sing does not belong to me. Even When I'm Gone by Quietdrive was actually a song that the band dedicated to children diagnosed with cancer and I thought it fit pretty well with this story.**

ITSUKI'S POV

The light in my eyes made it hard to see anyone in the crowd. Of course I was hoping that Shizuo was here. I wanted to see him but what if Shizuo didn't want to after such a long time. What if he wasn't even here? He probably isn't, he was never into music before, so why would now be any different.

"Hello Ikebukero!" yelled Haru. He was the one who always spoke to the crowd. All I did was sing and play guitar. How could I speak to a crowd when I couldn't even speak to one person? "For our first song, we are going to play something you all know! Avalanche!" The crowd cheered. They always do, no matter what song JokerTrap plays, the crowd will cheer.

And with that, the concert started.

SHIZUO'S POV

I couldn't believe my ears; I had never heard Kirito sing. It was fabulous. The magazine was right, he really does sound like an angel. It was smooth yet rough at times. It was perfect. I felt like I was put into a trance. I didn't want this to ever end.

"Alright! This is our last song of the night! And guess what!? It's a brand new song! And here's the twist! We don't even know what it's going to sound like!" Well this was interesting. What did they mean that they don't know what it's going to sound like? "Yesterday, Itsuki here handed us each a piece of paper with notes on it. He wouldn't let us practice together. All he said was, 'solo'. And now we are going to put it all together! It's just one big surprise!"

So they started. The organ started first, a mellow tone. Then Itsuki started singing-

There's a light in my heart

That can't be contained,

You knew right from the start

That there's no one here to blame.

And my world it drifts apart

From the one that remains

And I now long for this place

And I want to be free from these chains.

So If I can write a song,

So you won't forget my name,

A song so beautiful,

I can get my wings.

So send me off with your love,

I'll fly like a dove into the sunset of my teenage adolescence

And if you're ever feeling alone

Know that I'll never forget you

Even when I'm gone.

So they tell me that today

Is the day I'll pass away

Even though my heart is young

I will face this day with all

My gratitude, my humbleness, my bravery,

I will open up the doors into the sky

So I can ask God why.

So send me off with your love,

I'll fly like a dove into the sunset of my teenage adolescence

And if you're ever feeling alone

Know that I'll never forget you,

Even when I'm gone.

How long will you hold onto my photograph, oh no,

How long will my memory last when my body's gone,

How long, how long, how long, will I stay for you, for you?

So send me off with your love,

We'll fly like a dove we'll fly like a dove,

Oh, but if you're ever feeling alone

Know that I'll never forget you

Even when I'm gone.

Even when I'm gone

Even when I'm gone

Even when I'm gone

Even when I'm gone...

And I felt a shiver run up my spine. Did this mean that...Itsuki wanted to die? No. I wouldn't believe that.

"W-Well that's it for tonight, everyone! Have a great night!" Said Haru nervously over the speaker. Something was off.

"Wait..." The entire crowd got quiet so they could hear what Itsuki had to say. "Tonight...will be my last concert." And with that he walked off leaving the rest of his band standing there, speechless. Haru ran after him.

I didn't know what was going on but I was going to find out. I pushed through the crowd to the front of the stage and jumped up. Security guards were yelling for me to stop but they had bigger things to worry about. The crowd was going crazy. Girls were crying and screaming like it was the end of the world.

"Shizuo! Stop!" I could hear Shinra yelling from within the crowd.

ITSUKI'S POV

"Shizuo! Stop!" I heard it but Haru was still chasing after me. I wanted to stop and find Shizuo but I needed to get out of the band, I needed to hide. I don't want to be famous, I never did. I just wanted to make music. I hate the fame and I hate my manager who signed me into a 10 year contract and won't let me out even though he knows my condition.

I ran into the bus and locked the doors. I gently put my guitar in its case and took off the stupid jacket that they forced me to wear and quickly put on a blue sweatshirt. I grabbed my duffle bag filled with clothes and my guitar case that held the only thing I held dear, and ran towards the back of the bus. I had everything ready to go for a quick escape. I took the black beanie out of the side pocket of my duffle bag and put it over my messy orange hair. I then threw the hood up on the sweatshirt and ran towards the back of the bus. There was an escape window in the bedroom. I had used it several times whenever I needed to get away on tour. I purposely left my cell phone; I don't need to be harassed by an angry agent who thinks he owns me.

I heard banging on the front door and that was my cue. I threw my duffle bag out the window, the guitar case followed soon after landing gently on top of the duffle bag. I quickly attempted to push myself out too. My feet flew out the window and right when I was expecting to land, my sweatshirt got snagged. I was hanging by the hood, just off the ground with the jacket riding up. I struggled to free myself but to no avail. I was stuck for someone to find me, great.

"Need some help?" Someone said with a chuckle. I recognized that voice right away.

When I looked up to see Shizuo standing in front of me, I thought I was dreaming. I felt my heart beating faster and tears well up in my eyes. Shizuo picked me up with little effort and swung me over his shoulder, I couldn't hold back my yelp of surprise. He then leaned down and picked up my guitar case and duffle bag, and started walking off into the crowd like he wasn't carrying someone over his shoulder. I didn't know what to do, I missed Shizuo but I still felt hurt.

"We need to have a serious talk."

"No..." I said but it was slightly muffled by Shizuo's shoulder.

"I'm sorry, what was that? Couldn't hear you." He was mocking me. I didn't want to talk. I didn't know what Shizuo wanted to talk about but no matter what subject he chose, it was a bad idea. It was just going to end in more heartbreak.

I was finally put down on my own two feet. We stood in front of Shizuo's apartment.

"I want you to stay with me." Oh? I looked at him curiously, Shizuo just stared back. "Come on. We have a lot to discuss."

That made me snap out of it. I shook my head no.

"Is that a no to staying with me? Or a no to talking?" I just looked at him. "What, so now you're not going to talk to me? I guess I deserve it." Shizuo walked past me and started up the stairs. "You should come with me, the entire city is out looking for you after the stunt you pulled."

I regrettably picked up my stuff and followed, I really didn't want to do this. What if Shizuo didn't know about my condition? How was I supposed to break that to him? Shizuo opened the door to his apartment and walked inside. I stood in the doorway deciding whether I should just make a run for it now or talk things out.


	9. Chapter 9

SHIZUO'S POV

I looked around the corner when I realized he hadn't followed me in, I thought maybe he was going try to make a run for it. I would understand if he did, but I didn't understand why he was just standing in the doorway, he looked terrified.

Itsuki was acting strange. He always acted strange but never like this, but 8 years is a long time.

"Well? You gonna come in or not?" Itsuki face turned beat red as he shuffle inside and closed the door behind him. He put his guitar case down by the couch. "Ummm, no. Put it in the bedroom. That's where you're staying." He just gave me a look of confusion. He probably wanted to say something along the lines of, 'But this is your home so I'll take the couch. I couldn't possibly take your bed. Blah. Blah. Blah.' Or with the fact that his face was turning a deep shade of red, he probably thought we were going to be sharing the bed. I wouldn't mind but by the look on his face, I'll just take the couch.

"Don't worry; I'm sleeping on the couch." I said as I picked up Itsuki's stuff and brought it into the bedroom. "I... Uhh." I didn't know how I was supposed to start this without scaring him away. I walked back into the kitchen and sat at the table.

"Sit." Itsuki walked over and hesitantly sat in the chair across from me. "Well I just wanted to apologize for everything that happened back then. I hurt you and then I pushed you away." I looked up at Itsuki, who was fidgeting with a napkin. "I shouldn't have done that. I've regretted everything I said for 8 years and I never got another chance to make things better until now. I know it's too late. And I understand if..."

"It was my fault." Hmm? Itsuki actually just cut me off, that has never happened before.

"What? It wasn't your fault at all! It was all me!" I stood from my chair.

"No, I understand. I never gave you any space, and that led to the rumors. It was my fault." Itsuki thought it was because of the rumors this entire time? So he's been blaming himself for 8 years. I immediately walked to his side of the table and embraced Itsuki, he leaned his head on my shoulder. The size difference was a bit awkward and the fact that Itsuki wasn't hugging back.

When I released Itsuki from my hold, I knelt down in front of him. I watched a small wet drop fall onto Itsuki's black pants. I looked up to see tears rolling down his cheeks.

"I'm so sorry, Itsuki. I caused you so much pain. I didn't push you away because of the rumors, I was afraid of hurting you again! I don't care about some stupid rumor. Can you ever find it in your heart to forgive me?" Itsuki couldn't do anything but nod as I hugged him once again, this time getting a response from the body I clung to. "Don't ever leave me again."

"I'm so sorry, Shizzy-kun." Itsuki whispered. I smiled as we released each other. We finally had each other back.

"I'm so happy you're back," I smiled warmly as I stood up, "so what do you want for dinner? I'll make anything you want!" Itsuki had to think about that for a moment.

"Ramen." I chuckled, he hadn't changed a bit. When we were little and he would stay at my house, all he would ever want for dinner is instant ramen.

"Yessir!" He smiled at me and I felt my heart melt. It was nice to have things back to normal.

ITSUKI'S POV

"There was something else I wanted to talk to you about." I froze, I didn't lift my gaze from my ramen. "I... ummm... Well, I read in a magazine that you.." Here it was. The question that everyone asks. "Do you really have…?"

"Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma, stage 4 at the moment. It's in my blood and bone marrow." I said as I set down my chopsticks, I had immediately lost my appetite the second that question was asked. Shizuo just stared at me in shock.

I just waited for the second usual question. This whole conversation has been played over a hundred times. My responses are basically rehearsed; I've said them so many times before.

"What about treatment?"

"No." Shizuo's fists clenched, his chopsticks broke in half.

"NO!? AND WHY NOT!?" I looked up in shock. I had never had someone yell at me over it. It's my life and people understand it's a sensitive subject so they usually back off. But not Shizzy-kun. I couldn't help but smile to myself. "What are you smiling about!? Don't you want to live?" He stood from his seat.

"Of course." I replied calmly.

"Then why are you refusing treatment!?" I looked away, I couldn't face him.

"I don't want it."

"So you want to die." I looked back at him as Shizuo sat back down in his chair.

"No!" I stood from my seat but immediately sat back down. "I...I want to live."

"So then get treatment."

"I can't."

"And why the hell not!?"

"Because."

"I'm not playing this game. Just get to the point. You're going to have to tell me whether you like it or not so just cut to the chase!" I knew it was true. I knew Shizuo, even after 8 years. Shizuo won't drop the subject until he gets a good reason. I slumped into my seat, admitting defeated.

"I... I'm scared." Shizuo looked up. "And... I don't have anyone... to... umm.. take care of me."

"Well I would take care of you."

"N..No, things are just going to get worse. You probably have a job and you can't take care of me. And... it probably won't even work."

"Tom would understand. So it's settled. You'll get treatment and I'll take care of you. I'll be there every step of the way so there's nothing to be afraid of, right?"

"Wha? I didn't agree to this!" I screamed as Shizuo grabbed his cell phone and called the local hospital to make me an appointment with a doctor.

THAT NIGHT

I tossed and turned in the unfamiliar bed. My mind was wandering all over the place. Shizuo made me an appointment with an oncologist. I really don't want to go. Just the thought of walking into that hospital made me shiver, a chill ghosting over my skin.

I haven't been in that hospital since the day my parents died. It's a place that I had hoped to never have to step foot into again.

I wrapped my hands around the pillow and pushed my face into it. The smell of tobacco and cologne filled my nose, my thoughts shifted to Shizuo. I finally had him back, everything was going back to normal. After all of these years, I'm not sure if I want things to go back to normal. I want more than what we had. I know it can never happen, but… I want him.

I spread myself out across the king sized bed. Everything smelled like him. I grabbed the other pillow and held them both close. But when I looked over, there was a couple of pieces of paper lying were the pillow was previously. I sat up and hesitantly took them into my hands. I felt like I was invading his privacy by looking at something that he held close enough to hide under his pillow.

I unfolded the crinkled old notebook paper and my eyes instantly went wide when I realized what I was holding. It was the letter that I slid under his door that night, eight years ago. I read back over my words and I felt my chest tighten. Oh Shizuo, I can't believe he kept this letter all this time. Some of the words were smudged from what was most likely tear drops. I gently folded the paper back up and put it on the side table. I rested my head back down and held one of the pillows close, inhaling Shizuo's musky scent.


	10. Chapter 10

2 DAYS LATER

"Well here we are." Said Shizuo patting me on the back. We stood in front of the hospital. I had an appointment with an oncologist thanks to Shizuo.

"You're evil." I said as I nervously secured the beanie on my head.

"Hey, not nice! I could always just leave you here."

"You leave me for even a second and I'm out of here."

"Ohhh! Touche!" Shizuo laughed, I smiled. I missed Shizuo, I missed that laugh and that smile. He was the only person I felt comfortable around, and things were finally going back to how they used to be. Like nothing's changed, except I have cancer.

We stepped into the main lobby of the hospital. I felt a cold chill run up my spine. I hated hospitals.

"Here, go sit down while I check you in." I complied and sat down in the first seat I saw. There were a couple of people in the waiting room, they all looked quite anxious. It gave me a bad feeling.

Shizuo walked over and sat down in the seat next to me, an old lady visibly tensed at his presence.

"...Shizzy-kun?"

"Mmm?"

"I... uh... changed my mind about this. I want to go home." I was about to get up but Shizuo put his arm out and pushed me back into the chair.

"Sorry Itsy, but it's too late to back out now." I started to panic. I didn't want to do this.

"Watanabe-san?" A gruff looking man came out of the double doors. Shizuo stood and held his hand out to me, I took it but Shizuo didn't let go and I was thankful; having his hand in mine was calming. "Hello, my name is Dr. Nozuka. I'll be taking care of you from now on. If you could just follow me." We followed the man back through those double doors and past some hospital rooms, and into the cancer unit.

"We are very happy to help you, Watanabe-san. The tumors in your bone marrow are quite large. We will try to shrink them with radiation and chemo, but we will most likely have to do surgery. Not now, but in time." I was trembling more with each step we took, my knees were shaking and it was hard to breathe. I was gripping Shizuo's hand as hard as I could. My knuckles were turning white. If Shizuo was normal, his hand would be killing him but he was oblivious to what was going on next to him as we continued down the hall.

"First, we will start you off with some radiation 5 times a week and chemotherapy 4 days a week. Some side effects to the treatment are nausea, headache, body aches, vomiting, hair loss, weight loss, and fever."

So many side effects. I was feeling really uneasy about all of this now. I stopped dead in my tracks.

SHIZUO'S POV

I hadn't realized Itsuki had stopped until I felt the pull on my arm. I looked back to see his hair was covering his face and he wouldn't take his eyes off the floor.

"Is there something wrong Watanabe-san? We need to keep moving, we have the radiation lab booked for a strict amount of time." He said with a tone of annoyance. I decided I did not like this man.

"Can't you see he's having a hard time dealing with all of this? Just give him a fucking minute."

"My apologies, I did not mean to upset you or Watanabe-san." He bowed. I kneeled down in front of Itsuki.

"Listen to me. You can do this, you can beat this thing. I know you can! You just have to believe in yourself. Alright? I won't leave your side. I'll be here every step of the way, I promise." Itsuki nodded.

"I'm sorry for taking up your time." Itsuki apologized quietly and bowed to Dr. Nozuka.

"Yea, let's go." We continued down the hall, this time I kept a close eye on Itsuki.

ITSUKI'S POV

Dr. Nozuka led us into the lab and handed me a gown.

"Put this on, you can keep your underwear on. I'll give you some privacy." I blushed. It was one of those open back gowns and I was thankful I could keep my underwear on.

The doctor walked out. Shizuo turned around and stood with his back facing me. I stripped down until the only thing I wore were my boxer briefs. I slipped the gown over my shoulders. I had some trouble tying it around the back.

"Ummm…. Shizzy-kun?" Shizuo turned his head to look at me, I could see a blush spread across his cheeks. "I… uh… can't tie the back.."

"Right…" He walked over to me and I turned around. He took the strings that laid by my sides and tied them in the back. "There ya go." I turned around to see his face was bright red.

The doctor walked into the room, interrupting me from my thoughts. I looked towards the floor, heat rising from my cheeks.

"Mr. Heiwajima-san. I need to speak to you outside please." The doctor led Shizuo out of the room, leaving me alone.

The doctor walked back in the room and told me to lie down on the table. Then he retreated back out of the room. When was Shizuo coming back?

"Alright Itsuki, just stay still. We will start soon." They were starting already?! But where was Shizuo. He said he'd be by my side through everything. Where was he?

"Umm... Dr. Nozuka?" I said shyly. The man was a little scary and I really don't like talking to people I don't trust.

"Yes, Watanabe-san?"

"C-could we maybe...wait to start...until Shizuo gets back?"

"No, I'm sorry Watanabe-san. We need to start right away and we can't have any one in the room that isn't either a doctor or a patient." I was panicking now.

"Please. Please. I can't do this without him here." I felt tears roll down my cheeks. I needed to know Shizuo was here. I was starting to hyperventilate; I was going to have a panic attack. It's only happened once before, the night Shizuo told me he didn't want to be my friend anymore outside his apartment. "I can't do this!" I was on the brink of snapping and running out of the room.

"Itsy-kun, I'm right here." Shizuo. His voice was coming from the speakers. "They let me in this other room so I can talk to you, okay? Is that alright? I can't be there in that room but at least you can hear me." I felt myself calm down. He's here. It's okay. My breathing slowed back to normal.

"Watanabe-san. We are going to start now. Just lay perfectly still."

"Don't worry; it'll be over before you know it. I'm right here with you." As Shizuo said, before I knew it, it was over. It only took a couple of minutes.

"You can get up now and put your clothes back on." I got up from the bed and took off the gown. I put my clothes back on and walked out of the room. Shizuo was there waiting for me.

"So how do you feel? Healthy?"

"Shizzy-kun, it doesn't work that fast." We laughed.

"Watanabe-san, here's your prescriptions. Just some painkillers and something for the nausea. See it wasn't that bad. We'll see you again tomorrow for chemo. That's where the real fun is." I visibly shook at his words. He smiled warmly and held out a couple of slips of paper with my prescriptions. Shizuo took them from him and gave him a nasty look. Then we walked away towards home.

"Maybe we can find a new doctor?" Shizuo asked. "Unless for strange reason, you like him? Because I most definitely do not."

"I was thinking the same thing..."

"So are you up to picking up Russia Sushi and going to Shinra's?" I felt good for right now so I figure I should get food before the nausea kicked in, and I missed Shinra and Celty.

"Yea... sounds good."


	11. Chapter 11

SHIZUO'S POV

I knocked lightly on the door in front of me. I looked to the boy next to me, I needed to make sure he didn't push himself too hard.

"Itsy, if you start to not feel good, just let me know. You don't have to push yourself." He looked up to me and nodded with a smile. The door opened and revealed the underground doctor.

"Shizuo!" He looked at me and then to the boy at my side. "And Itsuki!?" He launched himself at Itsuki, almost toppling them both over but I put my arm out to hold them up. When Shinra removed himself, he grabbed Itsuki's arm and dragged him inside with me following behind. "CELTY! You're never going to guess who's here!"

I sat the bag with the sushi on the table in the kitchen and went to get plates and chopsticks. I felt comfortable in their apartment from all the times I stayed here after Itsuki left. Shinra helped me get myself back together. He was always there for me and I treasure my friendship with him.

Celty and Itsuki hugged and didn't say anything. I always found it strange how two people who never talk could get so close. Well, I guess Celty can't talk, but she can still communicate – and Itsuki usually just answers others with nods and shrugs. I smile to myself thinking about how I'm the only one who Itsuki actually talks to. It makes me feel like someone really needs me, like I'm not a monster. There's someone out there who isn't afraid of me and actually puts their trust in me.

"Dinner's all set up. Come and eat." I say to Itsuki and Shinra. We all sit at the table and eat in peace and quiet, except for Celty, because she doesn't have a head to eat with. I kept a close eye on Itsuki all night to make sure he wasn't in any pain or discomfort. He seemed fine, like he was perfectly healthy. Shinra and I talked, Celty would join in by typing on her PDA. Itsuki kind of just sat there unless asked a direct question, which Shinra did. He liked to involve Itsuki in the conversation so he didn't feel left out but kept it to questions that could be answer with a yes or no.

After all the food was gone, I got up from my seat and began to clear the table. Shinra grabbed my arm when I reached for his plate.

"Shizuo, you don't have to do that. I've got it. You are the guest after all." He smiled up at me and grabbed my plate from my hand.

"Shinra, you guys should spend time with Itsuki. He's living with me so I get to see him all the time, you don't. Now sit down." I took the plates from him and pushed his shoulders down so he was seated again. I grabbed Itsuki's plate and went to the sink.

ITSUKI'S POV

"Well then, Itsuki. I know you probably don't want to talk about this, but we have to." I knew what was coming. "I'm glad you're getting treatment, and I have all faith in Shizuo to take good care of you. I am very proud of you." I was surprised to say the least. I was expecting a lecture, not praise. "And just know, Celty and I will be right by your side if you ever need anything. Don't forget, I am a doctor. I may specialize in physical injuries and such, but I can help with some of the smaller things. I could get the equipment for your chemo and radiation if needed."

All I did was nod in response. I'm not good in these kind of situations.

"Thank you, Shinra, but that won't be needed. The hospital is fine, we just need to find a decent doctor there." Shizuo chimed in from by the sink. "The one we had today was a total ass."

"Oh, you guys already started your treatment?"

"Yea, just a bit of radiation today."

[How do you feel?] Celty held up her PDA to me. I shrugged my shoulders. I honestly didn't know. I didn't feel bad but I didn't feel good either. My stomach was beginning to churn and I was slightly dizzy, but it wasn't too bad.

"Does your stomach feel okay?" Shinra got up from his seat across the table to sit next to me. He then put his hand on my forehead. Shizuo was watching intently from the sink. "Hmm… you do feel a bit warm. Did they give him any medication?" He turned to Shizuo who was now walking towards us.

"Yea, he gave us some prescriptions but I didn't pick them up yet." He handed a few slips of paper to Shinra, who looked at them closely.

"Alright, you should probably get these as soon as possible."

"Do you think the side effects are going to be bad?" Shizuo looked at me with eyes of worry. My head was starting to feel fuzzy and my skin felt hot. Shinra looked back to me and put his hand to my forehead once again.

"Sadly, yes. His fever's rising quickly."

"Can you watch him while I run to the store to get his meds? I'll be back as soon as I can and then I'll take him home."

"Of course. We'll take good care of him." Shizuo thanked him and walked to the door, he grabbed his jacket off of the hook and left the apartment.

Celty put her hand on my shoulder and held her PDA up to me.

[Come sit on the couch.] I nodded and attempted to get up. My head spun and I fell back into my seat. Shinra and Celty helped me up and walked me to the couch. Celty sat down next to me as Shinra left to get me an ice pack.

Celty patted her lap and guided me to lie down, my head resting on her lap. For someone who technically wasn't human, she was really warm.

SHIZUO'S POV

"I'm back." I said as I opened the door that lead into Shinra's apartment. The bag rattled as I put it down on the kitchen table, it was filled with several bottles of pills.

Celty was sitting on the couch while Itsuki and Shinra were nowhere to be found.

"Where's Itsy?" She got up from her seat and led me down the hall. She opened a door to reveal Itsuki leaning over the toilet with Shinra by his side. They both looked up to me. Shinra had a worried look on his face while Itsuki looked like he was out of it. His eyes were glazed over and his cheeks were tinted pink.

"Thank god you're back. His fever spiked and he started throwing up. I didn't want to give him any medications since the ones I have are different from your prescriptions and shouldn't be mixed." Shinra got up off the tile floor and took me by the arm. He led me out of the bathroom and into the hall with Celty. "His side effects are already bad and he only had his first dose of radiation. It's just going to get worse and worse from here on. Are you sure you can do this, Shizuo?"

[It's a big responsibility. You'll have to be by his side every second of every day.]

"I know, Celty. I have to do this, I promised him. And I can't lose him again."

"You can call us if you ever need any help. Anything at all." Everyone looked solemn, even Celty gave off a depressed aura. The sound of vomiting came from the bathroom.

"Thank you, but I'm taking him home. We have an appointment tomorrow morning for his first dose of chemo." I walked into the bathroom to see Itsuki was sprawled across the tile floor, his eyes shut and he was panting. I picked his head up off the hard floor and leaned him up against my own body. He was shaking. His fever was getting pretty bad. I needed to get him home and in bed.

I picked him up bridal style and brought him into the living room. I attempted to put him down on the couch but his hands were fisted into the vest of my bartender shirt. Shinra walked over with a glass of water and a bottle of pills.

"He needs to take something for the fever, so we need to wake him up." I shook Itsuki's shoulders gently.

"Itsuki, wake up." His eyes fluttered open.

"Sh-shizzy?" I smiled down at him. "Nghhh… I-I don't feel so good." I rubbed his back soothingly.

"I know, buddy. We are gonna go home and get you to bed, but first you gotta take this okay?" I handed him two small white pills. "It'll make you feel better." He took the pills from my hand and drank the water that Shinra handed to him. "Itsuki, you gotta let go of my shirt so I can put you down." He held my shirt tighter and nuzzled into my chest. I couldn't stop the blush from spreading across my cheeks. Shinra and Celty still stood in the room, Shinra had a really creepy smile on his face which was gone after I glared at him.

I took Itsuki's hands into my own and they released my vest. I laid him down on the couch and put his shoes on. After his shoes were tied and his jacket was zipped, I kneeled down and pulled him onto my back.

"Shizuo, I don't know what I was worried about. You will do a great job of taking care of him." Shinra smiled at me.

[Shizuo, is there something else going on between you two?] I looked at where Celty's head would be if she had one, with confusion. What was she talking about? [I just mean, well, I've never seen you treat someone like this. Usually you would lose your temper very easily, but with Itsuki, you treat him more like someone would a lover.] I could feel all the blood in my body rushing to my face.

"I…I…uhh… no, there's nothing going on between us." I quickly turned around and walked out of the apartment, towards our home.


	12. Chapter 12

THE NEXT DAY

ITSUKI'S POV

"Itsuki, you have to get up. We can't miss your appointment."

Shizuo lightly shook me. I finally opened my eyes and at that very moment a wave of nausea hit me like a truck. I bolted out of bed and towards the bathroom. I was hunched over the toilet when Shizuo walked into the bathroom. I felt a hand on my back rubbing soothing circles. I couldn't stop vomiting.

"Ughhhh..." I groaned as I flushed the contents in the toilet.

I felt horrible, and it was just going to get worse. I had passed out last night at Shinra's and don't remember even getting home.

"I got your prescriptions filled last night while you were at Shinra's." He held out a large yellow pill. I picked the pill up and examined it. "That one's for the nausea. Just take it." Shizuo got up and filled a small glass with water. I took the pill and drank the water. It didn't agree with my stomach but it got the taste of bile out of my mouth but not for long. I was back hunched over the toilet right after. Shizuo continued to rub my back until I was just heaving.

"Shower.." Shizuo got up and started the shower for me. Making sure the water wasn't too hot or too cold. And then retreated from the room.

"Call me if you need anything."

"Mhmm.."

SHIZUO'S POV

We arrived at the hospital. Itsuki was even more nervous than yesterday. We had already looked into a new doctor, but I could tell Dr. Nozuka's words stuck with him. Today was the day to be afraid. I looked at the trembling form next to me and held out my hand. Itsuki took it and we walked into the hospital. Same thing as yesterday, we sat in a waiting room for twenty minutes.

"Itsuki-sama?" A young lady with long brown hair walked into the waiting room. Itsuki stood on shaky knees and walked towards the new doctor with me right by his side. She reached out her hand. Itsuki and I shook her hand, it was soft and comforting. "My name is Dr. Maywheather." She had a very strong accent, maybe French? "Yes, I am a foreigner but I'm a good doctor. And I'm dedicated to helping you in any way I can." She smiled.

She walked us down the same hallway that we walked yesterday.

"Okay Itsuki-sama. Here's the scary part. We have to place a catheter into a vein in your chest. The catheter will stay there until you are done with your chemotherapy treatment. Most people taking chemo have one. The placement of the catheter can be a bit painful. We need you tell us when it feels comfortable. Like nothing is there. So therefore, we can't put you under." Itsuki squeezed my hand. I knew how much Itsuki hated needles.

"Can I stay with him while you do this?" I asked. It wouldn't be wise to leave Itsuki alone for this, when he almost had a panic attack at radiation.

"Yes, that should be fine. As long as you don't get in the way."

"Thank you, Dr. Maywheather." The doctor just looked at me for a moment.

"I'm sorry; I don't think I actually got your name?" She seemed confused.

"Shizuo Heiwajima. I'll be taking care of my friend."

"Oh, I was trying to figure out if you two were brothers or..."

"No..." Itsuki finally interjected. He let go of my hand immediately. "Sorry." He whispered.

I didn't quite hear him. Actually, I was pretty confused. How could she mistake the two of us as brothers? Do we look alike? Itsuki is small and delicate like a porcelain doll, while I'm large and bulky. Itsuki has soft, silky orange hair, mine is dyed blonde. Itsuki has blue eyes like the ocean, while I have plain brown. Wait, what? Was I just thinking about how attractive my best friend was? Yes, I was.

Itsuki was quiet the rest of the way, which wasn't unusual. We entered a sanitary room, it was eerie looking. Dr. Maywheather had Itsuki sit down in a large chair and put thick straps over his arms. I watched him visibly tense. He was going to panic, no doubt about it. I could tell he was trying to calm his breathing but it just ended up in him hyperventilating.

"Itsy, calm down." I took Itsuki's hand in my own, and as much as he tried to push it away, the restraints didn't let him. It just caused him to panic even more.

I didn't know what happened. The straps obviously freaked him out but when I took hold of Itsuki's hand he panicked, it usually calmed him down. This time it just made him freak out more.

"NOOOO! Please. Let me go! Don't touch me!" Dr. Maywheather took a syringe out of her coat and took his arm and injected him with something. Itsuki's body immediately went limp but he was still awake.

"What did you just do?" I was losing my temper.

"I just gave him a muscle relaxer; I don't want him to hurt himself. If I had let his panic attack work itself out, he would've hurt himself on the straps. His skin is already raw, see?" She was right. His wrists and forearms were red and the skin looked raw. "Plus, he probably would've had another panic attack when he saw the needle. I need him calm for this." Dr. Maywheather was getting strict; I could tell that she really cared for her patients. "You have to make sure he NEVER rips this catheter out. It needs to be surgically place and removed. It goes directly into a large vein that if he were to rip, he would lose a whole lot of blood." I could only nod, Itsuki definitely would have panicked when he saw the needle. It's huge.

I had to leave; I had never had a problem with blood until I saw it coming from Itsuki. I sat in the waiting room and waited for Dr. Maywheather.

"Heiwajima-san?" I looked up. Dr. Maywheather looked at me. "He's calling for you." I stood up and ran towards the room. Itsuki sat in the same large chair but no straps bound him. His eyes were lidded and tears were threatening to escape.

"Sh...Shizzy-kun..." I placed my hand over his and squeezed, letting him know I'm here with him.

"Itsuki-sama, is the catheter comfortable?" Dr. Maywheather walked into the room.

"Mhmmm.."

"Alright, then we are going to start your chemotherapy. You should be here for about 3 hours. If you need anything, you can ask me." She said as she attached a machine to the wire that disappeared under the collar of Itsuki's t-shirt.

Itsuki was still somewhat out of it for about an hour or so through the treatment, he eventually fell asleep.

"Itsy-kun?"

"..Mmm?" Itsuki looked at me through half lidded eyes.

"Do you mind if I go out for a smoke? I'd be back in 5 minutes." I was growing restless sitting in the uncomfortable hospital chair for so long. I knew I could've just left and probably been back before Itsuki even realized I was gone, but what if he woke up and saw I wasn't there and had a panic attack? What if he pulled out his catheter in his panic?

"Mmmm.. promise.." Itsuki mumbled, he was half asleep.

"Promise what?"

"Promise… you'll.. come back..?" Did he really think I was going to leave him here?

"Itsuki, I'll always come back. I promise." I looked Itsuki in his half lidded eyes and laid my hand atop his. Itsuki lifted up his other hand and held out his pinky.

"..Pinky promise?" I couldn't help but chuckle at the childish gesture. Itsuki hadn't changed at all and it was a huge relief. So I did the only thing I could do and wrapped my pinky gently around his delicate finger.

I then proceeded out of the room and stretched my legs a bit.

"God, I hate hospitals." I mumbled to no one as I walked down the hallway towards the waiting room.

ITSUKI'S POV

"Congratulations, Itsuki-sama. You made it through your first treatment of Chemo." Dr. Maywheather said with a smile as she undid the tubes from the catheter. "You've got all your medication for the side effects, right?" She asked as she looked to Shizuo.

"Yea, we've got everything. Is there anything I need to know or watch for? I don't really know much about any of this."

"Oh, I thought your previous doctor had told you everything? Umm, the side effects for Chemo can be a bit much, but it depends on the person. So he might not have to deal with some of them. Mainly, you'll have to watch the fever. If it gets too high, it could be serious. I recommend an ice bath if the fever is really bad." She said as she helped me out of the chair, Shizuo jumped in to help as soon as he saw I was having trouble. "It looks like you're going to have a lot of body aches, but that's normal with patients who are diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma since it affects the bones and other tissue."

I nodded. I could already feel my bones becoming stiff and Shizuo's look of worry wasn't helping.

"If it becomes hard to walk, we can supply you with a wheel chair."

"I'm fine." I shrugged both of them off and continued out the door.

I yelped in surprise when Shizuo hugged me from behind and buried his face in the crook of my neck. Shizuo had no idea of the strange looks we were getting. Shizuo was infamous throughout Ikebukero and no one knew that I was THE Itsuki Watanabe with the beanie covering my signature hair besides my doctors.

"I know things are going to be hard, but I'm going to be by your side the entire time. I promise. I'm going to help you get through this. You're stronger than this, I just know it." Shizuo lifted his head and spun me around to face him. "And don't you dare try to hide from me."

I just looked at him with a questioning look on my face.

"If you're in pain, don't try to hide it. Don't push yourself. Don't try to act like you're fine. I need to know everything. I need you to rely on me, otherwise how can I help you?" I hung my head in defeat and Shizuo knew he had won this round. "Promise?" I nodded.

Shizuo took a hold of my hand once again and led me out the main doors towards our home. Once we got on the crowded streets of Ikebukero, I realized Shizuo was still holding my hand.

"Shizuo, you should let go of my hand." Shizuo stopped and looked at me for a brief moment before releasing my hand with a blush spreading across his cheeks; a rare thing to see from the strongest man in Ikebukero. "It's just...people are staring." Shizuo looked around and yea, a lot of passer-byers were staring at us which just made Shizuo blush more.

"Heh.. sorry." I then continued to walk but this time by Shizuo's side instead of being dragged along.

"It's alright. I didn't mind." This time it was my turn to blush. We walked the rest of the way home in comfortable silence.

SHIZUO'S POV

I walked into the bedroom holding a cup of green tea and gently put it down on the side table next to the bed. Itsuki was not in the bed, so I walked towards the bathroom. The door was slightly ajar and the sounds of heaving filled the room. I knocked gently on the wooden door frame.

"Itsy-kun? Can I come in?" The only response I got was the sound of more vomiting. "I'm coming in."

I pushed the door open to find Itsuki bent over the toilet. I kneeled next to him and rubbed his back. Itsuki had already taken his nausea medication so I could only hope it would kick in soon.

When Itsuki's face finally came up from the bowl, he reached his hand up to flush the toilet but missed the handle. After the third failed attempt I jumped in and flushed the contents of the toilet. When I finally got a look at the gingers' face, I saw cheeks tinted red, eyes half lidded and tear streaks down his cheeks. I lifted a hand to the man's forehead and pulled back as soon as I felt scorching skin.

"Shit! Itsuki, you're burning up! Why didn't you tell me!?" I jumped up from my seated position and ran out of the room. I returned shortly after with a bottle of medication. Itsuki had pulled of his shirt and was now laying down on the cold tile. He shivered. I could tell he was about to fall asleep until I shook his shoulder and held out a hand with two small pills and a glass of water. "Take these."

Itsuki didn't take the pills from me, instead he rolled onto his side, his smooth, perfect back facing me. Oh god… There's something wrong with me.

"Itsuki, this isn't time to play games. You have to take this medicine or else I'm taking you to the hospital. And they'll make you take it whether you like it or not." Itsuki just glared at me over his shoulder which angered me greatly. "Itsuki! Goddammit." I put the water and the pills on the counter. I had a backup plan.

I then picked Itsuki up princess style and held him to my chest. I sat in the cramped bathtub and turned on the faucet. Ice cold water began to fill the tub.

I grabbed the black beanie off of Itsuki's head and threw it to the ground. Itsuki decided to shave all of his hair off since it was going to fall out anyway. It looked strange, seeing Itsuki without his beautiful orange hair but the doctor said it would grow back.

Itsuki shivered in my arms and grasped onto my t-shirt like it would keep him warm. I felt bad but it had to be done. The bath finally filled and by now we were both shivering but Itsuki's fever had gone down a bit, I started to drain it and turned the water temperature up so it wouldn't be unbearable. I cradled Itsuki to my chest, our clothes were completely soaked. I was just glad I wasn't wearing my bartender suit. I was getting ready for bed so just a plain t-shirt and pajama pants. Itsuki had already shed his shirt when he was laying on the bathroom tiles so he was just in jeans.

It's been two weeks since his first set of chemo treatment. He had a dose of radiation yesterday and he has another chemo session tomorrow. The vomiting has been bad and tonight has been the first bad fever since we went to Shinra's. The body aches have been coming and going.

I'm brought out of my thoughts when I hear a quiet snore coming from the body snuggling into my chest. Itsuki had somehow managed to fall asleep even in this cold water. I smile and bring a hand up to his forehead. His fever has gone down enough. I leaned down and pulled the drain and turned off the water. I lifted Itsuki out of the tub, and sat him down on the toilet after I put down the cover. We were both completely drenched and making a huge mess. I grabbed two towels from under the sink. I was shaking from the cold and so was Itsuki.

Itsuki was still fast asleep even after I dried him with the towel. I then struggled to pull of his wet jeans. After about 5 minutes of wrestling a pair of pants, I succeeded in removing them leaving Itsuki only in bright blue boxer briefs. I could tell my face was bright red when I realized his underwear were basically see through when wet. I wrapped the towel around Itsuki's waist to cover him and carried him bridal style to the bedroom. I laid him down gently on the bed and walked to the dresser to get myself a change of clothes. I was making a mess by walking around the small apartment in soaking wet clothes. I quickly changed into an orange t shirt and grey sweatpants. I then went back to get Itsuki some clothes only to find out he barely had any left. I don't have a washing machine in my apartment and Itsuki hasn't been feeling well enough to let me leave him alone so I could go to the Laundromat.

I sighed and picked out a white t-shirt and black pajama pants from my clothes. They were definitely going to be way too big on Itsuki but it would have to do.

"W-what am I supposed to do about his underwear?" I questioned myself. "They're wet, if I leave him in them, he'll catch a cold and I don't need him sicker than he already is…" I furrowed my brow. "Shit."

I went through Itsuki's bag of clothes and grabbed a clean pair of underwear. My face was most definitely flushed, I could feel the heat radiating from my cheeks.

"Oh god. What if he wakes up?" This would look absolutely awful. But I gotta do, what I gotta do. "There's… no choice.."

I looked down at the boy in front of me; more than half naked. A towel around his waist covering wet underwear. Itsuki was still fast sleep and he looked beautiful with his well-defined body. You wouldn't think it by looking at him but Itsuki had a nice build, he was skinny but still had a nice amount of muscle. My blush grew when I realized what I was thinking about my best friend.

I sat down on the bed and swallowed the lump in my throat. I reached out and pulled the towel off the smaller boy. I closed my eyes and slowly pulled down the underwear trying not to disturb the fragile boy. I opened one eye just to look at the boy's face to make sure he hadn't woken up. The blue clothing got tangled around his knees so my eyes skimmed down.

I let out a breath I hadn't known I was holding. So many unwanted dirty thoughts entered my mind as I felt myself stirring to life. No, no, no, go away. I tried extremely hard to will it away. But before I knew it, my pants were incredibly tight.

"Oh god…" I whispered to myself as I had to look away. I finally got the underwear off and the naked boy in front of me looked so beautiful. The only thing that took away from the sight was the fact that he was missing his lovely hair and there was that catheter in my friends' chest. It made me cringe. I quickly took the clothes and dressed my friend before I did anything I was going to regret. At least I knew now why I never found any girls attractive. But why did it have to be my best friend?

Once Itsuki was finally dressed, I looked at him. His cheeks were flushed and his chest moved with each breath. He looked perfect. I could feel my dick throb with need, I was painfully aroused. Next thing I knew, my face was only inches away from the innocent sleeping face of my best friend. His lips were so tempting. I couldn't help but wonder what it would feel like to press my lips to his. I've never even had my first kiss, I was always too afraid. Would this be my only chance? But I don't want my first kiss to be with someone who isn't even aware of it happening. I want to share that moment with him, with Itsuki. That thought made me pull away. I couldn't do this.

I pulled the covers over his sleeping form and retreated to the bathroom to take care of my 'little' problem. I sat down on the toilet seat and sighed with relief as I pulled out my throbbing manhood. I gripped it firmly and moved my hand up and down the heated flesh. An image of Itsuki on his knees in front of me popped into my head. I tried to shake these thoughts away but they only got more graphic. Itsuki lightly licked the tip, cleaning off the precum. He looked up into my eyes as he slid his mouth down my shaft, engulfing most of it. He swirled his tongue and flicked it over the overly sensitive tip.

"Ohhhh…I-Itsu…ki.." I couldn't stop the moan from escaping. He started moving even faster. I gasped as I imagined my dick hitting the back of his throat. I ran my fingers through the silky soft hair that I missed so much, and guided his head faster and farther down. My pulse quickened and oh… how I wished this was reality. He pulled off and gasped for air. He looked up at me with half lidded eyes filled with lust and pumped my erection faster and faster. He smiled at me and that one innocent look sent me over the edge. I came hard, a loud moan escaped my lips as I bit my knuckle.

I looked down, there was cum dripping down my softened length. I sure did make a mess. I gathered some tissues and cleaned my mess. I heard some shuffling coming from the other room and immediately remembered that I don't live alone anymore. 'Shit' I thought to myself. What if he woke up and heard me? What if he was disgusted and couldn't look me in the eye anymore? Oh god.

I fixed my clothes and walked out of the bathroom. I quietly crept into the bedroom to see Itsuki was still fast asleep. It seems he had only rolled over to sleep on his side. I sighed in relief. Thank god he hadn't woken up and heard me.

I moved to the living room and laid on the couch. It was late and I was exhausted but there was so much going through my mind. All I could think about was Itsuki. Should I keep this a secret? Or maybe he would return my feelings? But what if he didn't? I wonder what his lips feel like, I've never kissed anyone. Have I always felt this way towards him? Yea, I have. I just never wanted to admit it. The night was a restless one.


	13. Chapter 13

SEVERAL WEEKS LATER

ITSUKI'S POV

I woke up and as soon as I sat up in bed, I felt a painful throb through my skull. I immediately doubled over in pain and clutched at my skull. It's been almost 2 months since I started treatment but I had never felt anything like this pain.

"Shizuo!" My head was throbbing, it sent waves of pain down my spine. "SHIZUO!" It was too much. I could hear Shizuo's thundering footsteps as he ran through the apartment. The door burst open.

"Itsuki!? What's wrong?" He ran to the side of the bed and put his hand to my forehead in search of a fever.

"My head." I groaned in pain. "I..it hurts! It hurts so bad!" I felt like I was going to cry, it hurt so bad. I began to pull at my hair, but Shizuo grabbed my hands.

"Don't pull your hair, it just grew back." He ran his hands through my short hair before getting up and leaving the room. Shizuo returned with a glass of water and a bottle of painkillers. He got on his knees by the side of the bed.

"Pain medication." I took the medication from him and drank down all of the water in the glass. I was holding my head in pain with my eyes squeezed shut.

"You have chemo today so we need to get ready soon." Shizuo picked up the empty glass and walked back to the kitchen. I followed but moved a lot slower; my head still pounding.

"I… I don't want to."

"Too bad." I sat on the couch and grabbed Shizuo's pillow and held it to my face while Shizuo was in the kitchen. "What do you want for breakfast?"

"Nothing…" I mumbled back but loud enough for Shizuo to hear me.

"Itsy, you have to eat."

"No." I fell back on the couch and pressed the pillow to my face harder. I could hear Shizuo walking towards me.

"Itsuki." Shizuo lifted my legs and sat on the couch, putting my legs over his lap. "Tell me what's wrong." All he got was a muffled groan in response, so he leaned over and ripped the pillow from my grasp.

"I was using that."

"You can have it back when you tell me what's wrong." I looked away from Shizuo.

SHIZUO'S POV

"I… I just don't know if it's worth it." I was shocked.

"Wha? Why wouldn't it be? Is life not worth living? After everything I've done for you, you're just going to give up?" I threw Itsuki's legs off of me and stoop up in rage. I clenched my fists, my knuckles turning white. Itsuki just looked up at me with wide eyes; utterly speechless. "If you want to give up, then what the hell are you still doing here?" I immediately regretted saying that. I was so shaken with anger that the guy I have finally realized my feelings for wants to give up, that I couldn't control what I was saying. I didn't really want him to leave, I never want him to leave me again.

"I just meant that… that there's a huge chance that this treatment won't work. That I might still… die. And this is just extra pain… but I understand. Sorry for being such a burden." He stood up from the couch; I could tell his head still hurt by the way he was clutching at his skull. He turned around and walked into the bathroom and slammed the door. I could hear the shower start and all I could do is fall back onto the couch. Resting my head in my hands.

"Itsuki.. Goddammit! Why can't I do anything right?" I got up from the couch and walked over to the bathroom door. I knocked quietly.

"Itsuki? Listen, I'm sorry. I overreacted. I don't want you to leave and you're not a burden." I waited to see if he would say anything but it was silent besides the sound of the running shower. "I never want you to leave me again. I promised I would take care of you, and I will. No matter how long it takes. And even if the treatment doesn't work, I'll never leave your side." Still no answer. "Please, just say something. I'm really sorry." Nothing. "Fine, I'm going out for a smoke. I'll be back before chemo."

I needed to get some air.

The cold air hit my skin and sent a shiver down my spine. I wore my usual bartender suit but I managed to grab my jacket before I left. I just wanted a quick smoke and be back by the time Itsuki was ready to go to chemo, then we could talk things over. I lit up a cigarette.

"SHIZUU-CHANN!" That stupid annoying sing song voice was like nails on a chalk board.

"IIZZZZAAAAAYYYYYAAAAA!" I growled. I crushed my cigarette between my fingers, threw it on the ground and put it out with my shoe. The flea stood before me, his switchblade at the ready. I grabbed the nearest street sign and threw it at the parasite.

"Long time no see, Shizu-chan. You've been taking good care of your sick little kitten?" Izaya teased as he dodged the flying pole with ease. I roared in anger and the chase began.

ITSUKI'S POV

I sat in the kitchen; Shizuo was nowhere to be found. I was curled over the toilet puking my brains out while he was giving his apology speech. I would've answered if I could. I fiddled with the cell phone in my hands, it wasn't mine. I refused to have a cellphone since I just keep losing or breaking them. Shizuo left his phone here and we were already late to chemo. I stood up, put my shoes on, grabbed my jacket, adjusted my beanie and walked out the door. We were running low on ramen.

SHIZUO'S POV

"Shit, I lost track of time! And I forgot my phone so I can't even call Itsuki!" I said to myself as I ran through the streets of Ikebukero back towards my apartment. "Stupid flea!"

I ran up the stairs to my complex and opened the door with my number on it.

"Itsuki? Listen, I'm sorry I'm late. Let's go to chemo, okay?" I said as I walked through the living room. "Itsuki?" Then I went to the bedroom. No Itsuki. He was gone. His guitar case and his clothes were still here, so he didn't leave. That still means he went out, alone. Maybe he went to chemo?

I looked at the clock on the wall. I was over an hour late. I saw my phone on the kitchen table. 2 missed calls from Dr. Maywheather.

I immediately dialed the number to Dr. Maywheather. Hoping Itsuki had gone to chemo and that nothing bad happened.

"Dr. Maywheather speaking."

"Dr. Maywheather! It's Shizuo Heiwajima."

"Ahhh.. Heiwajima-san. You guys do know it's really bad to miss a dose of chemo once you've started the treatment."

"So I take it he didn't show up on his own?"

"No? Did something happen?"

" Ahh… Umm.. Well we kinda got into an argument….and I stormed out and then when I came back he wasn't here. It was about the treatment. I was hoping he decided to go anyway but I guess he didn't."

"Oh… well, I can reschedule you guys for this afternoon if you wanted. But you need to find him first. If he shows up here, I'll call you."

"Alright, thank you doctor. I'll call you later and let you know."

"Okay." And with that she hung up.

ITSUKI'S POV

I wandered through the streets of Ikebukero. I had no intentions of going to chemo, not without Shizuo. He ran out on me so he made the choice. I hadn't walked the streets of Ikebukero in quite some time besides to get to the hospital and Russia Sushi. I've been back for over two months and everything feels so strange. My life really is a mess right now.

"Come in! You eat Russia Sushi! Fresh! I promise! Good food!" Simon was outside handing out flyers. "Oh! Itsuki-san! You eat Russia Sushi! It make you feel good! Strong and healthy!"

I gave him an apologetic smile. I was actually getting hungry now too.

"Where is Heiwajima-san? He buy you lots of sushi!" I chuckled, a rare thing nowadays. I just shrugged. "Oh, you two get separated? If I see him I tell him to buy you lots of sushi! Yea?"

I nodded with a smile and Simon smiled back. I waved goodbye to Simon and was about to walk off when a pair of arms wrapped around my torso. I couldn't see who it was because they were burying their face into my back.

"Itsuki!" A high pitch squeal. It was definitely a girl.

"Erika! We told you not to do that!" I recognized that voice. Saburou. It had to be. The girls' arms untangled from around me and finally let air enter my lungs.

"But he's sooo cute!" I turned around and recognized her. I went to high school with her. She was a first year when I was a third year. She's friends with Kadota.

"Yo, Watanabe-san!" Speaking of Kadota. "Long time no see. We saw your show, who would've thought you'd have a voice like that!" He said as he clapped a hand on my back, forcing the air from my lungs. "Oh sorry, I forgot you're.. uhhh… yea." I didn't know what to say, this is how people always reacted to me when they found out.

I didn't want people to make a fuss about me being sick or treating me like I'm made of glass.

"Well… Uhh, you wanna hang out with us? Haven't seen you in a while." I just looked at him, a bit shocked. I wasn't expecting that. The only time Kadota and I ever hung out was back in high school, Shizuo and Shinra didn't show up to lunch and so Kadota invited me to have lunch with his group of friends. It turned out Shizuo had chased Izaya out of the school and Shinra had to patch up his cuts so they left early and didn't tell me because they wanted me to stay in school, jerks.

"Oh, please hang out with us!" Erika begged as she clung to my arm. I held up the list that had my groceries on it.

"Ramen, lots of milk, pudding… oh, you're grocery shopping." It took Kadota way too long to figure that out. "We could help you. You have a lot of stuff on your list and we have the van, so then you won't have to worry about walking with all of it." Ugghhh… That was not why I held up the list. I wanted them get the point that I was busy.

"So it's settled! We will help Itsy-chan get groceries for his hubby!" I felt the heat radiating off of my cheeks and it was moving down my neck. Walker and Saburou both put their hands over Erika's mouth. Itsy-chan? H-Hubby?

"Heh… sorry about her Itsuki-san. Please just ignore anything she says!" Walker said, his face also getting red.

Well, with all of that out of the way, they assisted me with my grocery shopping. It was a huge help actually and I surprisingly had fun.

SHIZUO'S POV

"Where the hell could he be!?" I've been running around Ikebukero for the past 2 hours. I'm tired and hungry and I just want to go home. Maybe he went home? But what if something happened to him and he never made it home? What if he needs me? "Goddammit!"

"Heiwajima-san! You find Itsuki-san? You buy him sushi, yea?" Simon stood in front of me; the shop must be having a slow day so he's handing out flyers. Wait, did he say Itsuki?

"Oi! Simon! Do you know where Itsuki went?"

"Yea, yea! 'E got dragged away by Kadota-san and friends." Eh? I didn't even know they were friends. Actually, I do remember them being at the concert, and we all went to the same high school. So I guess it is possible that maybe they were friends and I just didn't know. But Itsuki never mentioned them before. I stood on the sidewalk and pondered for a moment.

"Eh? Heiwajima-san, you okay?" Simon leaned down to look at my face, shaking me from my thoughts. "I know what you need! Russia Sushi!"

"Screw this, I'm going home. And so help me god, he better be home!" I walked off towards my apartment. I could hear Simon yelling from behind me.

"Heiwajima-san! Remember, violence is not the answer!" Pssh, like I'd ever hurt Itsy… on purpose.

I walked through the door of my apartment. And Itsuki is nowhere to be found. I'm furious. Not at Itsuki, but at myself. Why did I leave in the first place!? And that stupid flea! "AGHHHHH!" I pick up the first thing I see and chuck it out the window.

ITSUKI'S POV

Saburou pulled up in front of my apartment complex, I get out and so does Kadota. I give him a quizzical look.

"I was going to help carry the groceries up." I shake my head no. Kadota was nice and all but it would be rude to invite him into Shizuo' apartment while I'm a guest. As I'm thinking this, I hear a crash and all of a sudden a very familiar looking couch is flying across the street.

Well, glad to see Shizuo is home. Kadota is just staring at the broken window of my apartment. Kadota looks at me and nods, I nod back. A simple goodbye as he gets back into the van. I chuckle to myself. I guess other people think Shizuo is scary? If they knew the fact that he has an obsession with dairy products, or that he likes strawberry milk and anything sweet, they would most definitely not be afraid of him anymore.

I walk up the stairs. I'm glad I didn't have to walk all the way home carrying 2 gallons of milk and lots of ramen. I open the door to find Shizuo sitting on the floor, trying to pick up glass with his bare hands. I rush to put the bags on the kitchen table and hurry over to Shizuo.

"You're gonna cut yourself." I grabbed his hands and made him drop all the glass he was holding. "Go wash your hands." I look over to Shizuo since he hasn't said a word. He hasn't moved from the spot and continued to pick up the glass with his hands.

"Shizuo, I'm sorry. I don't want to give up or anything like that." I make him drop the glass again and take his hands in mine so he doesn't try again. He finally looks up to me.

"I thought something happened to you." He pulls me into a hug. "I thought, 'What if I never find him? What if he's hurt and he needs me and I can't find him?'" I wrap my arms around him. "I don't want to fight with you. I'm sorry about everything I said. I just want you to get better so we can go back to how we used to be. I never want to leave your side. I'm sorry I walked out. I'm so sorry."

"Shizzy-kun." I buried my head in the crook of his neck. "I'm sorry for not being strong enough. I promise, that from now on, I will never talk about giving up!" I looked him straight in the eyes. "I'll be strong, I'll beat this… for you." I smiled.

SHIZUO'S POV

"I'll be strong, I'll beat this… for you." And then he smiled the most adorable smile I've ever seen. I was so worried that he wanted to give up.

"Pinky promise?" I ask as I hold out my pinky. He doesn't hesitate to interlink our pinkies.

"Pinky promise. Now come on, we have to clean this mess." I stood up and pulled Itsuki to his feet. He wanders into the kitchen. I followed him to see a few plastic bags on the counter. He went grocery shopping while I was throwing our couch through the window? Wait, the couch. The couch is important. Why was the couch important? Oh.

"Tsk." Itsuki looks at me from over his shoulder. "I threw the couch out the window."

He just looks at me with this look, a look that says, I can tell by the broken window and the missing couch. A look filled with a sarcasm. I glare at him.

"I sleep on the couch." And I watch as Itsuki clicks that all together. "I'll just sleep on the floor, no big deal. It's my fault anyway." I grab the broom out of the closet and start sweeping up the glass. "More importantly though, it's still not too late to reschedule your chemo."

"You're not sleeping on the floor." I can hear Itsuki open the fridge and put away all the groceries. "You can just sleep in the bed." I stop sweeping. Did he mean together? No, he couldn't. Two grown men sleeping in the same bed. Not to mention the thoughts I've been having about him for over 2 months. Its temptation just being around him on a daily basis but I've been holding myself back. How will I ever be able to sleep next to him?

"Well I'm not letting you sleep on the floor." I continue my sweeping, a blush creeping up my neck. "And you didn't say anything about chemo."

"We can share the bed. It's big enough and it's better than the floor. Then we'd both be happy." I finish my sweeping and walk to the kitchen to dump all the discarded glass. Itsuki67 is leaning over the counter, trying to reach the top shelf. His jeans are really tight and his ass… I blush and lean over to help him put the rest of the ramen away. He bought like 30 bowls of instant ramen.

"Alright. So I'm going to call Dr. Maywheather. And we need to get a tarp up over the window until we can get a new one." I reached into my pocket and pull out my cellphone.


	14. Chapter 14

ITSUKI'S POV

We had gotten back from chemo and even managed to go to the local hardware store before going home. We picked out the new window it would be installed tomorrow, and got the tarp for the time being. Shizuo hung the tarp, he refused to let me help. So I sat on the floor and watched him hang a tarp. Fun.

"Why won't you let me help?" I was just curious. Was it because I was sick? Or was it because I'm weak? Either way makes me feel like shit.

"Because I don't want you to get hurt." That I wasn't expecting. I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face. "Finally! All done." He held out his hand for me to take, I took it and he helped me to my feet, slowly. "How's the pain, do you need any medication?"

"No, I'm fine. Just a bit sore. I really just want to go to bed."

"I know, we had a long day." Shizuo led me into the bedroom. My arm around his shoulder, and his hand on my lower back. "One day next week, when you're feeling okay, we will go shopping for a new couch." I guess he does find sleeping in the same bed as me uncomfortable.

He assisted me to get my shirt off. My joints were so stiff; I could barely lift my arms above my head. I felt like a little kid again.

All of a sudden, I was in the middle of a flashback. My mom was helping me get ready for my first day of first grade. She helped me get my shirt on and buttoned it up. Then she kissed me on the forehead and took me by the hand. We walked down the stairs and there was someone at the kitchen table, eating pancakes and reading the newspaper. He turned around and looked at me with a smile. Then he was saying something but for some reason, I couldn't hear it. Everything started to fade to black and I was dragged back to reality.

Shizuo was shaking my shoulders violently.

"Itsuki!?"

"Huh?" I looked at him and he visibly relaxed. He wrapped his arms around me.

"You scared me." He held me tighter. "You weren't saying anything and you… your eyes were clouded over. I didn't know what happened." He let go of me and looked me in the eyes. I smiled at him.

"Sorry for worrying you. I was just lost in thought." He flicked my forehead lightly.

"Don't do that again. Scared the shit out'a me." I rubbed my forehead, and looked down. I was in my pajamas. How long was I out of it?

Shizuo helped me to the bed and I immediately went under the covers. He followed soon after.

An hour later and I still lie awake, why? Because the pain running through my bones is unbearable. I can't bother Shizuo though. He's sleeping and I'd feel terrible if I woke him up. A shot of pain runs down my spine and I hold back a whimper. To my surprise I feel a pair of strong arms wrap around my waist. Pulling my back flush to his chest. His body warmth makes me feel all fuzzy inside that the pain doesn't bother me anymore. I want to snuggle into him but I don't want to move and risk waking him up. I quickly fall asleep in his arms and I couldn't be happier.

SHIZUO'S POV

I couldn't help it. I had to do it. It was risky but I had to take the chance! I was pretty sure he was asleep when I wrapped my arms around him. I think he was either in pain or having a bad dream because he was shaking, but once I hugged him close, he seemed to calm down. And if he woke up, I could just say I was asleep and that would be it.

It felt so good to hold him close, to feel the warmth between us. I knew I wouldn't be able to hold back if we shared a bed. But at the moment, all I know is, I don't want morning to come.

ITSUKI'S POV

I woke up to those strong arms still wrapped around my waist, but they were holding a lot tighter. It didn't hurt or anything, but my head was pounding and I felt unusually hot. I struggled to get free but he just held me tighter. It was still the middle of the night.

"Shizzy-kun." I tried to move his arms, all I did was move them so they were now squeezing my chest. A wave of nausea hit me and I panicked. "SHIZUOO!"

He sprung up at the sound of his name and somehow he ended up throwing me off the bed in the process. I landed with a thud and curled into a ball.

"Itsuki?" I groaned in response. My head throbbed, I was going to throw up, and I was so hot…

"Sh-Shizzy-kun…" He jumped out of bed when he realized I was laying on the floor.

"Itsuki, what's wrong?"

"Ughhhh…" I couldn't make out the words. I managed to point towards the bathroom and luckily Shizuo got the point. He helped me to my feet and attempted to help me to the bathroom but it was slow going. "Aghhhhh!" A sharp pain caused me to drop to the floor. Shizuo picked me up bridal style and carried me the rest of the way. He gently laid me down next to the toilet and rubbed my back.

Curled over the toilet, the pain in my head just got worse. I heaved and heaved, the taste of bile burned my throat. I could tell Shizuo was tired because eventually he laid his head on my shoulder, but he never left my side and he never stopped rubbing my back.

"Itsy… can I get you anything?" I just shook my head.

"You can… go back to bed."

"What?! No way! You can't even walk on your own so there's no way in hell, I'm gonna leave you in here." He grabbed the bottle of pills off of the sink counter and handed me a couple of pills, I took them without hesitation. He handed me a cup of water and I gulped it down as fast as I could. Then I grabbed for the mouthwash on the counter and washed out the gross taste in my mouth.

"AGHHH!" A sharp pain shot through my head and traveled down my spine. Shizuo lifted his hand to my head and brushed hair away from my face, it was oddly sweet and if I wasn't in so much pain I probably would've thought about it more.

I heard Shizuo gasp.

"Itsuki?" He grabbed some tissues and held them to my nose. I had no idea what he was doing until he pulled the tissue away, revealing blood. "You've got a nosebleed." All I could do was groan. "I'm taking you to the hospital."

"NO!" I shouted and pushed him away. Shouting just sent another shot of pain through my skull, so I laid my head down on my arm which rested on the toilet seat. "N..no… I'm fine. I promise. Just no hospital… please." My voice grew weak. I shut my eyes, sleep threatening to take over. I tensed when I felt arms wrap around my waist and a head on my back, but immediately relaxed into the embrace when I heard Shizuo's soft voice.

"I just want you to get better. I need you."

SHIZUO'S POV

"I just want you to get better. I need you." It's true, I need him. I need him because I love him. "I can't stand to see you in this much pain." I tightened my grip on the boy in my arms. I lifted my head from its resting spot to see Itsuki fast asleep. I smiled until I realized his nose was still bleeding. I grabbed some more tissues and held it to his face, leaning his body up against my own.

"Sh… Shi… zu…o." Itsuki groaned in his sleep.

When the bleeding finally stopped, I lifted him into my arms and moved into the bedroom. I laid him gently on the bed and pulled the covers over him. I checked his fever and it wasn't too bad now. I sat down on the bed and admired his innocent sleeping face.

"I love you, Itsuki." I whispered and pressed my lips to his forehead.

"Mmmmm… Shizuo?" I pulled back quickly to see sparkling blue eyes looking up at me. I… I had been caught.


	15. Chapter 15

**Author Note:**

**SOOOOOOOOOO Shizuo and Itsuki fuck. Not appropriate for children. I'm not very good at sex scenes since I think people are gross in general but hey, whatever. Man on man action is still hot. Anyway, I tried so don't hate me.**

ITSUKI'S POV

"I love you, Itsuki." I felt something soft and warm press to my forehead.

"Mmmmm… Shizuo?" I opened my eyes to see Shizuo pulling away. He looked at me with wide eyes, like a deer in headlights. Had he… just kissed my forehead?

"Ummmm… hey." Shizuo's face was bright red as he looked down at the floor.

"Shizuo?" I sat up and looked at him questioningly, waiting for him to say something. He just continued to look down at the ground. My head throbbed with a dull ache.

"Umm… uhhh..." He finally looked up to me. "Itsuki, I… uhh… I like you… a lot more than I should." He blushed and looked back down. I was shocked, Shizuo liked me? Like… like like? "If you're grossed out by it, I understand, but I don't want to lose you. If you don't feel the same then please, could we just forget about this and go back to how we were?" I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face. I reached out and put my hand over his. He looked up at me and our eyes met.

"Itsuki…" Shizuo leant forward and put his hand on the back of my neck. His face was so close to mine, until I felt his lips on mine. I didn't know what to do, I had never kissed anyone before. Before I knew it, it was over. Shizuo pulled back and put his hand on my cheek. I released the breath I was holding. "Sorry." Shizuo took his hands away and stood up.

"Where are you going?" He walked out of the room. I hurried out of bed and attempted to run after him, but as soon as I stood up I felt lightheaded and dropped to my knees.

SHIZUO'S POV

I can't believe I just did that. I kissed him. He probably thinks I'm disgusting. It felt really good though, I want so much more. I walked out of the room and went to the bathroom. I sat on the floor by the tub. Shit. What if I ruined everything?

I was lost in my worries when I heard a thump coming from the other room and a whimper.

"Itsuki?" I stood up and opened the door. I walked into the bedroom and saw Itsuki laying on the ground. "Are you in pain?" I walked over to him and knelt down next to him.

"I HATE YOU!" I was shocked to say the least. Itsuki punched me in the arm with all of his strength, it didn't really hurt. He hates me now.. I really messed up. "How could you do that, and say that and then… AND THEN JUST LEAVE!?" He tackled me to the ground and buried his face into my chest. "You didn't even let me tell you how I feel before you walked out!" I could feel wetness seeping through my shirt. He was crying. He lifted his head and looked at me, his eyes were red and tears were leaving trails down his cheeks.

"Itsuki.." All I could do was say his name. I was at a loss.

To my surprise, he placed both of his hands on my cheeks and pressed his lips to mine. His lips were soft but firm. When we broke away, I gently wiped the tears from his face.

"Itsuki, I love you." I said with confidence this time and smiled at him, he smiled back.

"I love you too, Shizzy."

He leaned down and sealed our lips once more, this time much more passionately. I threaded the fingers of one of my hands through his beautiful orange hair and the other went down to rest on the small of his back. He was still lying on top of me so I skillfully picked him up in my arms, not breaking the kiss. He gasped and I took advantage of that by pushing my tongue through and exploring his mouth. I gently laid him down on the bed, he moaned in approval. This was better than I ever could have imagined.

Our tongues fought for dominance but I easily won. We pulled apart for some much needed air. I moved down to kiss and nip at his neck. I found a sensitive spot that caused him to writhe in pleasure, he moaned wantonly and arched his back, causing our hips to grind together. A wonderful friction causing blood to rush down south. I was already half hard before, I could tell he was too. I slid my hands under his shirt and rubbed up and down his sides. I just couldn't get enough of him.

ITSUKI'S POV

Things were moving fast, but I've been waiting way too long for this. I've wanted Shizuo since high school. I never stopped thinking about him and now I finally have him. If this was a dream, I never wanted it to end.

His hands slid under my shirt, massaging my sides as his mouth spread kisses along my neck and jaw line. I wanted those lips on mine so I brought my hands up and threaded my fingers through his hair, bringing his face up to mine. I pressed our lips together, he licked my bottom lip; begging for entrance which I granted. Our tongues slid across each other's in perfect sync. His hands slid my shirt up even higher. A thumb accidentally ran over a nipple, it sent a shock of pleasure through my spine and I couldn't stop the moan that escaped my mouth.

I could feel Shizuo grin, he separated our kiss. His eyes were filled with lust, he had a somewhat predatory look on his face that sent chills of anticipation down my spine. He lifted my shirt over my head; careful not to pull my catheter; and crawled down my body, leaving kisses everywhere. He kissed one of my sensitive nipples. I gasped and arched my back, grinding against his obvious erection. He gave my nipple a quick lick, then sucked it into his hot mouth and brought his hand up to rub the other one with the pad of his thumb. I couldn't help the whimpers and moans coming from my mouth. I was ashamed but at the same time, I didn't care. He brought his knee in between my legs and pressed it firmly against my erection. I was so hard it was starting to hurt.

"Shizu..ohhhh.." He ground his knee into my clothed erection, causing wonderful friction. I was very sensitive and if he kept this up, I wasn't going to last much longer. "Sh..shizuo… st…stop.." He froze, released my nipples and looked up at me. "I'm gonna… if you keep that up." He just grinned up at me.

"That's the plan." He immediately went back to what he was doing. I couldn't help but grind on his leg. I really wanted to rip my pants off but I want him to set the pace. I tugged on his shirt, he got the hint. He sat up and pulled off his shirt with a seductive look on his face. He threw his shirt to the other side of the room. I wrapped my hands around his neck and pulled him in for another kiss. He brought his hands down to my pants and pulled on the waistband. He then looked at me for approval. I nodded my head.

SHIZUO'S POV

I pulled down his sweatpants, leaving him in nothing but his boxer briefs. I was extremely nervous all of a sudden. It's not like I've never seen him naked before, but this was totally different. I've never had sex, let alone with a man. But I'm glad it's Itsuki, someone I truly love. I looked at the man below me, his eyes were clouded with lust, mouth half open, cheeks dusted pink and fully aroused. I did this to him, I put him in this condition and I couldn't be happier. He looked perfect.

I kissed his neck again and sneaked my hand down his underwear. I wrapped my hand around his rock hard erection. He was a lot larger than I thought he would be. I slowly pumped him, just enough to tease, not to bring him over the edge.

"Mmmmm.. Shi.. zu.. ohhhhh.." He moaned out my name, I gave him one good pump, ran my thumb over his sensitive tip and then pulled away. He looked up at me with a begging look.

"Don't worry, I'm not done yet." I leaned down and whispered in his ear. "There's so much more to come." He gasped and pulled at the waistband of my pants.

ITSUKI'S POV

Shizuo pulled down his pants, leaving him in his boxers that had… frogs on them. I couldn't help the laugh that escaped. Shizuo just looked at me quizzically and then looked at what I was looking at, his face turned bright red when he realized.

"I… uhh…. Ha… Hahahaha" He broke out into a fit of laughter. "Blame Kasuka!" He said in between laughing and gasping for air.

"Hahaha… I don't know what's worse… Kasuka picking out your underwear… or the fact that it's froggy ones…." The image of Kasuka giving Shizuo froggy underwear for Christmas with a perfectly straight face would not leave my mind.

When the laughter finally died down, Shizuo was looking at me with longing.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to kill the mood with my dorky boxers." He leaned down to my neck, his lips just barely brushing my hot skin, sending chills down my spine. "Why don't we continue where we left off?" My throat went dry as he sucked gently on a sensitive spot on my neck, all I could do was moan in approval. "Itsuki," He whispered in my ear before nibbling on my lobe. "I can't hold back much longer."

He ran his hands down my back, under the waistband of my underwear and rested the palm of his hands on both of my ass cheeks. He lightly squeezed, causing me to gasp. He slowly slid my underwear down, revealing everything.

With my underwear out of the way, he crawled down my body and wrapped his hand around my shaft. He brought his other hand up to my face and held out three fingers.

"I don't have any lube, I'll be gentle." And with that I took the three fingers into my mouth and twirled my tongue around them. When he deemed them wet enough he pulled them away with a pop. He twirled his wet fingers around my entrance, I could feel it twitch and I gasped. It felt really weird. "If you want me to stop just tell me. I want you to be comfortable."

"Keep going. I… I want this."

He smiled up at me and kissed the tip of my erection. He wiggled his finger into my twitching hole and licked from the bottom of my shaft up to the top. He licked up the pre-cum that began to drip. He moved his finger in and out slowly, it was torture until he added in the second. The stretch burned, it was uncomfortable. He opened his mouth and took in all of my length, using his hand to work what he couldn't fit.

So many sensations that the pleasure began to overwhelm the pain. I couldn't hold back the moans. I threaded my fingers through his beautiful blonde hair. He added another finger and sped up his pace. The pain was bad at first until he hit something inside of me that sent a wave of pleasure through me, causing my back to arch. I accidentally thrusted deep into Shizuo's mouth, my tip hitting the back of his throat. He pulled off of me and coughed.

"Nhh… Sorry.. I… didn't.." I gasped for air. "Pl…please.. do that… again.." He smiled and wrapped his lips around my tip, his fingers still inside of me. He firmly grasped my hip to hold me down with his free hand and thrusted his fingers directly into my prostate. If he wasn't holding me down I would've bucked into his mouth. He repeatedly hit my prostate with such force, I was trembling on the edge; the sound of my moans filled the room. "Nghhh… Shi.. ohhh... I'm…ah.. gonna….AHHH!" I released into his hot mouth, I could feel him swallowing around me. He withdrew his fingers and pulled his head up. He licked his lips and gave me a look of pure lust.

He tugged down his boxers and revealed his very large erection. I could feel myself stirring back to life immediately. His cheeks became red and he looked away.

"Why… why are you staring?" I got up on my knees and pushed him down onto the bed. I straddled his hips and leant down to seal our lips. He kissed back eagerly and wrapped his arms around my back. I ended the kiss and moved myself so I was between his legs. I wrapped my hand around the base of his shaft; it was so wide that it didn't even fit in one hand. It was really intimidating. How was this supposed to fit inside of me? I licked the tip hesitantly, it tasted salty but I didn't dislike it. I had never given head before, I didn't really know what to do. I carefully wrapped my lips around the tip, making sure not to let my teeth make contact.

"Itsuki, you know you don't have to do this." Shizuo's voice made me lift my head up.

"I want to." I leant back down and repeated what I did before. I took the hot flesh fully into my mouth. I could feel it hit the back of my throat and there was still so much left. I lifted up so that only the tip was still in my mouth. I swirled my tongue over the tip and moved back down. If this thing was supposed to go inside of me and we don't have lube; I have to get it really wet, but it won't all fit in my mouth. An encouraging hand suddenly rested on my head causing me to look up at my lover. His cheeks were tinted pink, his eyes closed in ecstasy, and his hand was covering his mouth.

I took him even farther into my mouth, his tip hitting the back of my throat, causing me to gag slightly but I didn't pull off. I placed my hand at the base of his erection.

"Oohhhh…. I-Itsu…k.. ohhhh" I bobbed up and down at a slow pace. I didn't want to send him over the edge before our fun was over. When he was completely covered in my saliva I removed myself and sat up. "Hmm? Why'd you stop?"

"We aren't done yet." I straddled his hips and took him into my hand. I lined him up and slowly sat down. My hands rested on his stomach as I took him in, supporting my weight. The pain was so intense. Shizuo rested his hands on my hips, encouraging me to keep going. I stopped to catch my breath. I felt so full, but when I looked down I realized I was only half way there.

SHIZUO'S POV

Oh god, the pleasure was intense. Having him so tightly wrapped around me was better than anything I had ever imagined. He suddenly stopped moving and I opened my eyes. His face was twisted in pain and his breathing was shaky. His eyes were tightly shut and tears stained his cheeks.

"We should stop." He opened his eyes and looked at me. "Look at you, you're in so much pain." I brought my hand up to his face and wiped the tears from his cheek. He swatted my hand away and rubbed away the wetness with the backs of his hands.

"No, I can keep going." He dropped down and took in more of my length but I felt no pleasure from it when I heard his scream.

"Itsuki! Stop!" I tried to get him to stop but he kept going. Eventually he had finally taken all of me in and sat in my lap.

ITSUKI'S POV

I felt like I was being ripped in half. I knew that if we stopped now, he would never want to try again in fear of hurting me. That's just how Shizuo is. I can do this. I've wanted this kind of relationship with Shizuo for too long to give up now.

I took a deep breath and lifted myself up so that only the tip was in. I slid back down and it hurt less than the original penetration but it still burned. I set a slow pace and sped up as the pain lessened. I felt a hand wrap around my cock. I hadn't even noticed but I wasn't aroused anymore. I guess the pain made me go soft. Shizuo worked me back to hardness and I quickened my pace. When Shizuo saw that I was fully aroused again and not in as much pain, he started to meet my thrusts. He hit my prostate dead on causing my back to arch. He grabbed my hips firmly and pushed me down with great force. He attacked my prostate until I was a moaning mess.

He grabbed ahold of me and flipped us over so that he was now on top. He started out slow, never missing my prostate. As he quickened, his thrusts grew harder and harder. He held my hips excruciatingly hard. I could tell he was getting close, he was losing control of his strength. He leaned down and sucked at my neck. I wrapped my legs around his hips and pulled him even closer with each thrust. He was so deep and I was so full. He wrapped his hand around my weeping erection and leant up to whisper in my ear.

"Cum for me, Itsy-chan." I lost myself and came in his hand, blinding white pleasure consumed me.

"Shizu-ohhhhhhh!" He sped up his thrusts while I was riding out my orgasm. He pulled my body to his and held me close as he released inside of me. I could feel his hot semen fill me, it was a strange feeling.

He pulled out of me and I could feel his cum leaking out of me. I felt so tired and empty. He got off of the bed and went to the bathroom without saying a word. Did I do something wrong? Did… did he regret it already? I attempted to get out of bed but my bottom and lower back hurt so badly. I fell back into the bed and waited for him to come back.

SHIZUO'S POV

I washed my hands in the sink and then leaned over to put the plug in the bathtub. I turned on the faucet; warm water filled the tub pretty quickly. I poured in some strawberry scented soap and bubbles gathered on the surface of the water. When the tub was filled I turned off the water.

"Itsuki, come join me for a bath." I waited for a couple of minutes as I got the towels ready. When Itsuki didn't come in, I became worried. What if I really hurt him? I had lost control and not to mention, he's really sick. Shit. I shouldn't have done this.

I ran into the bedroom to see Itsuki still lying in the bed. He just looked at me.

"You're not mad at me, right?" Wha? Why would he think that?

"Why would I be mad at you? I love you." He smiled up at me. We were both still naked and his chest had a splash of white. "Come on, I made us a nice bubble bath. We gotta get you all cleaned up." I stood up and made to leave the room.

"Shizuo." I turned around at the weak call of my name. "I can't get up."

"Shit, I'm so sorry. I overdid it. I lost control."

"Shizzy, I loved every second of it." He smiled sweetly. I picked him up into my arms and lifted him off of the bed. "Ughhhh… Shizuo, hurry! It's…. leaking." I chuckled and brought him into the bathroom. Neither of us were wearing anything so I just got right into the tub. I set Itsuki in between my legs, so that he could lean his back against my chest instead of the hard tub walls.

ITSUKI'S POV

The warm water felt so good against my aching bones, the soothing smell of strawberries filled the room. I rested my head against Shizuo's shoulder. He held me in a tight embrace from behind, his chin resting on my shoulder.

He lifted his head and grabbed a bottle off of the floor. I was struggling to stay awake, sleep threatening to take over. I felt a soft cloth rubbing against my skin, a vanilla scent mixed with the strawberry. The aroma was intoxicating. He gently scrubbed every inch of my body. He eventually stopped to wash his own body. It was probably difficult with me leaning up against him, I tried to move but it sent a jolt of pain down my back causing me to yelp.

"Just stay still, I'll take care of everything." He kissed my shoulder gently and I relaxed back into his warmth.

I drifted off to sleep for what seemed like hours but it was only a couple of minutes. I awoke to Shizuo massaging my scalp with nimble fingers. I didn't remain awake for long. The relaxing movements of his fingers on my skull lulled me back to sleep.


	16. Chapter 16

**Author Note:**

**I'm aware that I write like a kid in 8th grade. Surprisingly though, I'm 20 years old and still can't write like an adult. I'm hopeless. :p**

THE NEXT MORNING

SHIZUO'S POV

I was jolted from a deep sleep by the sound of whimpering. I opened my eyes to see Itsuki nuzzling his head into my chest, it would've been adorable if he wasn't shaking and his eyes shut tight in pain. His skin was pale and he was sweating.

"Ngh… n-no… M-Mom.." My eyes widened. I wrapped my arms around him and held him close. "Don't… leave me… D-dad.." He tightened his grip on my chest.

"Itsuki," I shook his shoulders lightly. "It's time to wake up." His eyes fluttered open and he looked up at me. When I looked into his eyes, it was like he wasn't really seeing me. I shook his shoulders a little harder. "Itsuki?"

"Nghh.." He groaned and fell back asleep. I tucked his hair behind his ear and put my hand to his forehead. He was burning up again. Last night was probably too much for him. I pulled the sheets off of us and removed his arms as gently as I could. I snuck out of bed and into the bathroom.

I came back into the bedroom with a cold damp towel and his medication. I sat next to him on the bed and laid the towel over his forehead. My eyes drifted down his body. I gasped when my eyes took in the sight of dark purple bruises peeking out from the under the waistband of his boxers, in the shape of hand prints. He also had a couple of light hickies on his neck and shoulders. I can't believe I did that. I hate my strength! I lightly punched the bed in rage.

"Mmmm…" Itsuki shook violently. I pulled the ginger into my lap and held him close. His eyelids opened and looked up at me. I tried to give him his medication but he turned his head the other way then looked back at me with tears in his eyes. "M-mom?" Then he nuzzled in closer. He must be hallucinating from the fever. I tried to put him back on the bed so I could get my phone but he put his arms around my neck and held tight. "No, don't leave me. P-please… stay with me, Mom." His voice drifting out as he lost consciousness, his grip stayed tight though.

"It looks like I have no choice then." I picked him up in my arms, his legs wrapped tight around my waist with his arms still slung around my neck. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed my phone off the counter. I supported my lover with one arm and dialed Shinra with the other. I felt as if I was carrying a child.

"Good morning, Shizuo. How's Itsuki?" Shinra answered the phone with a cheery voice.

"Shinra, Itsuki's hallucinating. I think it's from the fever."

"Can you bring him here? I actually have another patient at the moment. I can send Celty to pick you two up."

"Yea, sure. See you soon." I hung up. I needed to get dressed and that was going to be difficult with Itsuki clinging to me.

"Nghh…." I struggled to undo his arms for almost half an hour but his grip just tightened. If he was anyone else, I could've easily broken out of his grip, but I was not willing to put anymore bruises on his porcelain skin. "M-mom."

The doorbell rung. Itsuki and I were still wearing nothing but boxers but I knew it was only Celty. I couldn't get Itsuki off of me so maybe she could hold him while I get dressed. I answered the door, Itsuki still clinging to my torso.

"Good morning, Celty." A blush rose to my cheeks. "Think you could maybe help me out here." I lead her into my apartment.

[What's the problem?] She held up her PDA.

"He's hallucinating and calling me his mom. Also, he won't let go." I demonstrated by letting my arms fall so they weren't holding Itsuki up anymore. He clung to me even tighter and stayed put.

[I see your problem. What can I do to help?]

"Could you take him while I get dressed? And then we can figure out how to get clothes on him." Celty nodded to me and I gently pulled his arms from around my neck.

"N-no. Mom, please. D-don't leave me, not again." His eyes were brimming with tears. He struggled to hold on but when I guided his arms to grab a hold of Celty he finally released his grip on me and held onto Celty. I let out a breath of relief. Celty looked towards the tarped over window and if she had a face, she would definitely be giving me a look.

"Don't ask." I walked into the bedroom and quickly got changed into my usual bartender suit. I then grabbed some clothes for Itsuki and laid them out on the bed. "Celty, you can come in now."

She walked in and sat down on the bed. Itsuki sat in her lap with his arms wrapped tightly around her neck, his head leaning on her shoulder. He was fast asleep but his grip didn't loosen at all. He groaned a bit. The sight made me jealous, I don't like that he's clinging to her but I immediately shook the thought, reminding myself that that was Celty that he was wrapped around.

Celty pulled out her PDA and started typing vigorously.

[Why does he have bruises on his hips and neck? Did something happen? Or did…] Crap, I had totally forgotten about that.

[Did you and him…] I could feel the heat radiating from my cheeks as it spread down my neck. Did Itsuki want people to know? I don't mind being open about our relationship but we didn't get to discuss this yet.

"Ummm.. uhh… well… yea."

[Oh my, I'm so happy for you two! I knew you guys were meant to be together since I first met you both.] I just looked at her questioningly.

"Well.. could you keep this between me and you? Itsuki and I didn't exactly get to talk about this yet. It kinda just happened and I don't even know if we're together or anything."

[You got it. I won't tell anyone, not even Shinra. But you need to talk to him about this soon.]

"I will. Thanks, Celty."

[Do you love him?] Heat rose to my cheeks once again.

"Y-yea, I do. I think I always have, I was just too afraid to realize it." Itsuki was still wrapped around Celty even as we had our discussion. The occasional groan escaping his lips. "I have no idea how we are going to get him dressed."

All of a sudden, a black shadow consumed the clothes that were lying on the bed and crept over Itsuki's slumbering form. When the shadow disappeared from over Itsuki, it revealed him to be fully clothed.

"Heh… neat trick." I rubbed the back of my neck. "I'll take him now." It was a lot easier to get the innocent man-child to cling back to me than it was to get him off.

"Mmmm…" He nuzzled into the junction between my throat and shoulder. His hot breath tickled my sensitive skin. I grabbed Itsuki's medications and stuffed the bottles into my pocket, then we walked out of my apartment complex and Celty got onto the bike.

"Can you fit three on that thing?" She nodded and patted the space behind her. I placed Itsuki down and for some reason it was really easy. He wasn't clinging to me this time, and when I sat him down on the bike, he didn't wrap his arms around Celty's back. I tilted his head up to look at his face. He looked completely relaxed but his cheeks were still bright pink. I touched his forehead and his skin was damp with a cold sweat. "His fever's really high." I got onto the bike behind Itsuki and wrapped my arms around so I was holding onto Celty's waist; sandwiching Itsuki between us so he doesn't fall. A shadow formed around our heads in the form of helmets.

Then we rode off towards Shinra's apartment.

ITSUKI'S POV

My head was pounding and my stomach was churning. My skin felt cold but I was sweating. I opened my eyes but I couldn't really see anything. My vision was filled with fog but I knew there was someone holding me. I was lost in confusion. The memory of my nightmare remained.

It was back on the day that my parents were taking me to my first day of first grade. I was really nervous so my parents decided to drive me to school instead of letting me take the bus. My father held me in his strong arms as he walked towards the car. My mother got into the passenger seat as my father buckled me into the back seat. He looked at me and he was saying something, but I couldn't hear it again. Then he closed the door and got into the drivers' seat. He started the car and we drove off towards the school.

We were driving down the highway when all of a sudden something crashed into the road right in front of our car. It looked like a street sign. My father swerved the car out of the way and lost control. We ended up in the lane of oncoming traffic. I watched as an SUV collided with our car head on, another car hit into that one and so on, causing a 10 car pile-up. I opened my eyes and looked down at my small hands. I was jerked forward when another car hit into the back of ours. I spun my head around and started screaming. I couldn't hear it but I knew I was screaming for my mother and father.

Blood dripped from my head and I only stopped screaming when my throat started to burn. I undid my seatbelt and crawled into the front seat. My mother had been impaled through the chest by a metal beam while my father lay next to her with glass sticking out of the side of his head. I called their names and shook their lifeless bodies, I got no response. The bitter stench of blood and smoke filled the car. I could hear others screaming. I didn't know what to do, I was scared. I crawled into my fathers' cold lap and cried until I lost consciousness.

Sadly, that was not just a nightmare, but a traumatizing memory.

I groaned a bit as I shivered from the intense cold and held tighter onto whoever was holding me. Where was I? Who was this person holding me? I was scared. My vision cleared slightly and I counted four silhouettes.

Was I dead? I don't remember dying. My head throbbed once more. One of the silhouettes came closer to me. I could hear fragments of sentences but they didn't make sense to me. The person that was holding me, I could feel their chest rumble as they spoke.

"Needs… take…. His fever… hospital…" One of the silhouettes held his hand out to me with something in it. As the hand got closer, I could see there was a pill in it.

The thought of swallowing anything made me sick to my stomach so I turned my head to the side. I don't know who these people are, I don't know where I am, I don't know what's wrong with me; so hell no, I am not taking some pill that I don't know what it's going to do to me. I can't remember anything except for that dream that I had about Shizuo; or was it really a dream? Or was I really still a child and laying in my deceased fathers' bloody lap? My head throbbed and my skin was burning.

"Where am I?" I tried to say but my words didn't come out. I couldn't hear my voice. Was I speaking or was I just saying it in my head?

SHIZUO'S POV

"Shizuo, this is really bad. He needs to take his medication. His fever is dangerously high and if we can't get it down, we will need to take him to the hospital." Shinra said as he held out the small pill to Itsuki, the shaking boy just turned his head to the side and groaned.

I sat on Shinra's couch with Itsuki in my lap. His eyes were open and shifting from each person in the room. Celty was standing in the room, while Shinra was kneeled on the floor in front of Itsuki. A man that I did not know was sitting on the chair across the room. He was holding a cloth to his shoulder, probably a gunshot wound. Shinra did say he had another patient when I called him.

"Who the fuck are you?" I growled at the man across from me. Itsuki tightened his grip on my vest.

"Y-you're Shizuo Heiwajima, aren't you?" He said with a fear in his voice.

"You didn't answer my fucking question." I glared at him. I was losing my temper. His eyes shifted to the boy in my arms.

"I-I should get going. Thank you again, Shinra-san." He stood from his seat on shaky knees and bowed to the underground doctor.

"Wait, Rei-san! I didn't stitch you up yet!" Shinra stood from his kneeling position. The man ran out the door.

"Who was that guy? I don't like him." Shinra just sighed and rolled his eyes at me.

"Shizuo, you never like anyone." He chuckled. "That was Rei Miyaki. He's just a member of the yellow scarves." Itsuki shook violently in my arms, shaking Shinra from his thoughts and back to the task at hand. "Anyway, we're going to have to do this the hard way."

"Ice cold bath?" I questioned. I was not looking forward to that again, but I'll do what I have to.

"No, not this time. If we were to give him an ice bath when he's like this, he will no doubt get even sicker. He needs to take this medication. If he won't take it willingly, I'll make him take it. It's for his own good." How the hell was he going to make him swallow those pills? "Hold him tight. He's not going to like this."

I wrapped my arms around my lover's torso, confining his arms so he couldn't move. Shinra took the pill in his gloved hand and held it between two fingers. He then grabbed Itsuki's chin and opened his mouth gently. Itsuki's eyes widened and he started struggling. Shinra stuck his two fingers into Itsuki's mouth and gently pushed the pill down his throat. Kiri gagged around the fingers and swallowed on reflex. Tears fell down Itsuki's rosy cheeks as he coughed. He pushed himself from my grasp and fell on the floor. He rolled into a ball as he continued to cough. I knelt down next to him to rub his back but he flinched away from my touch.

"I'm sorry, Itsuki. We had to do it." Shinra said with an apologetic look on his face. "He most likely won't even remember this in the morning, but I still feel bad."

"I know, Shinra." I looked back down at my shivering friend as his eyelids fluttered shut. "Itsy…"

"We should get him into bed. I know it's still morning and all, but he'll most likely be out for a while." I nodded and picked my lover up from the floor. His body went limp; he didn't try to snuggle into my chest like he usually would.

"Is he gonna be okay?" We walked into the bedroom and I laid the slumbering boy down on the bed. I pulled the sheets over him and he didn't move or make a noise. I was really worried.

"He should be, but with a fever that high, you never know. When you go to your next appointment, you should let your doctor know so she can make sure everything's alright. A fever that bad doesn't usually just come from the side effects of chemo. There might be something else going on." He looked grim. I had a bad feeling about all of this.

My phone rang, breaking us all out of our thoughts. I looked down at my phone but I didn't recognize the number.

"Excuse me." I walked out of the apartment. I clicked the answer button and walked down the stairs, towards the main entrance. I needed a smoke.

"Hello?" I lit up my cigarette and took a drag.

"Hello, Heiwajima-san?"

"Speaking."

"It's Sarutobi, from maintenance. I just wanted to let you know, we are on our way to fix your broken window." Oh yea, shit. I totally forgot that that was today.

"Oh, umm... I'm actually not home at the moment. Something came up, could we reschedule?"

"You do know it's supposed to thunderstorm tonight? And we are all booked up for the rest of the week."

"Ughh… okay. I'll be there in 15 minutes."

"It's apartment 407, right?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, see you soon."

"Yea, thanks." I hung up. This was just great. I finished my cigarette and threw it on the pavement, stomping it out with my shoe. I walked back into the apartment complex and into Shinra's apartment.

Celty held up her PDA.

[Is everything alright? You look stressed.]

"Yea, everything's fine. You remember that broken window, right?" She nodded. "Well the guys on his way to my apartment to fix it and he can't reschedule."

[We can watch Itsuki if that's what you're worried about.] I nodded to her.

"Thank you, Celty. I'll be back as soon as I can." And with that I left, hurrying down the streets of Ikebukero.

ITSUKI'S POV

I woke up to Shinra putting a damp cloth on my forehead. I felt horrible. I looked around the room.

"Good morning, sleepyhead. Or should I say afternoon." He smiled at me. A wave of nausea ran through my body and I put a hand up to my mouth and the other held my stomach. I tried to get up from the bed but my body felt so weak. "You had a really high fever, do you remember anything?" Shinra helped me up from the bed, and let me use him as support. I shook my head as he guided me towards the bathroom. "Well, you gave us all a pretty good scare. Shizuo called me because you were hallucinating; Celty picked you both up and brought you here."

"W-where…"

"Shizuo had to go home for a bit. Don't worry though, he's coming back." I felt bile rising up my throat and threw my head into the toilet. I emptied my stomach of all its contents. Shinra just stood there awkwardly. I miss Shizuo already. He would be by my side, rubbing my back to soothe my heaving. Shinra walked out of the room and came back shortly with a glass of something fizzy.

"It's ginger ale, it'll help settle your stomach." He held the glass up to my mouth and I drank it down until there was nothing left. I've never had ginger ale; it was kind of plain tasting but not bad. It got rid of the nasty taste in my mouth and did settle my stomach somewhat. I stood up and walked out of the bathroom. "Hey, where are you going?" Shinra followed close behind. "You need to rest."

I walked into the living room; Celty was seated on the couch. She stood when she saw me enter the room, I was using the wall as support but she quickly came to my side. She helped me to the couch and I sat down. Shinra went to the kitchen and started making dinner. The dullahan sat down next to me and held up her PDA.

[Are you feeling okay?] I nodded. I wasn't feeling great but I felt better.

[Good, do you want to watch a movie with me?] I nodded again.

[Anything in particular?] I shrugged, I really didn't care. I just wanted the time to go faster so I could see Shizuo. Celty put on a movie but I was lost in thought. Did that really happen? Or was I just hallucinating like Shinra said? I can't see Shizuo ever loving me back the way I love him. It's not possible. But it all felt so real. I eventually let my thoughts drift off, ending up with me falling asleep on the couch.


	17. Chapter 17

**Author Note:**

**Oh god, I almost cried when I saw I got a review.**

** Rainbowsunderwater: You are precious and I love you. I was actually thinking about not posting anymore since I wasn't getting a lot of feedback, but you, you are a beautiful person. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. :) Did I tell you that I love you? lol This next chapter is for you!**

A FEW HOURS LATER

I opened my eyes; I looked around and realized I fell asleep on Shinra's couch. Whatever my head was laying on moved and I could feel a hand on my head. I groaned. My skin felt hot to the touch but yet I was shivering.

Next thing I know, there's a screen in my face.

[Are you awake?] My eyes were still blurry from just waking up so it took me a while to make out the words. I struggled to sit up until a hand helped me to an upright position. I looked to my right to see Celty. [You fell asleep and used my lap as a pillow. You've been out for a couple of hours.] My face felt warm already so she probably couldn't even tell that I was blushing from embarrassment.

"Oh, you're awake!" Shinra walked into the room and came over to me. "How are you feeling? You look a bit red." He put his hand up to my forehead. "Hmm.. you feel warm again." He grabbed something out of his medical bag. It was a thermometer. "Open up." I did as told and waited.

The thermometer chimed and Shinra removed it from my mouth.

"103.7." He sighed. "Crap, I can't give you any more medication yet."

I looked around the room. Was Shizzy not back yet? But Celty said I was asleep for a couple of hours. Where did he go? Was he coming back? What if… what if I was too much of a burden for him and he left me here for Shinra and Celty to deal with? The very thought brought tears to my eyes.

"Wha!? Why are you crying? Are you in pain?" The doctor grew frantic.

[Is it because Shizuo's not here?] My head throbbed as I nodded.

"Is… is he gonna come back?" Shinra just looked at me with wide eyes. Celty embraced me as I began to sob. I couldn't control myself. I just wanted Shizuo.

[He's gonna come back. He'd never leave you. Trust me.] I just sobbed harder, I don't know why but I did.

When I finally calmed down, Shinra made me some rice to settle my stomach and we ate dinner in silence. Then I laid back down on the couch and swiftly fell back asleep.

SHIZUO'S POV

They took a really long time to finish putting up a goddamn window. It was already dark out, when I was walking back towards Shinra's apartment. Hopefully Itsuki didn't wake up and throw a fit that I wasn't there. I frowned to myself. I walked down an alley that would get me to Shinra's faster.

Someone snuck up behind me and hit me in the head with something. I blacked out for a few seconds, blood dripping down my forehead. Who the hell would be stupid enough to jump me now? I'm already in a bad mood.

"Shit. Why didn't you go down?" I turned around to see a man about my age, with black hair with a blue streak and gold eyes. The man dropped the metal pipe and pulled a gun out from behind his back. I growled at him and his hands began to shake. "Oh god, you're… you're Shizuo Heiwajima!"

"Who the hell do you think you are?!" I punched him in the face and sent him flying through the air. I could hear the people on the street screaming. I continued walking down the alley, thinking about what I should say to Itsuki when he wakes up.

We need to talk about what happened last night. I want a relationship, but what if… what if he regrets what we did? What if he doesn't remember?

I stopped at the door in front of me; I had arrived at Shinra's. I lightly knocked on the door. I waited for a couple of minutes but got no answer.

"Shinra, open up!" I knocked louder. The door opened and Shinra stood in the doorway with his finger up to his lips.

"Shhh.. what happened to your head!?" He whispered. I pushed past the worried doctor and into the quiet apartment. What I saw made my heart flutter. Itsuki was sleeping on the couch cuddling with a pillow; a pink blanket tangled around his body. Shinra handed me a wet towel and I wiped my face of dried blood. "Do you need stitches?"

"I'm fine, Shinra."

"Sh-Shizuo." I smiled. He was dreaming about me.

[He's been saying your name for almost an hour now.] I laughed and walked over to the couch. I put my hand on his head and ran my fingers through his hair. I looked up to see Shinra giving me a questioning look; I pulled my hands back and could feel my cheeks flush. I forgot that Shinra didn't know yet.

I rubbed the back of my neck and chuckled awkwardly.

"How's his fever?" I whispered.

"He's been good. He threw up when he woke up and then fell asleep on the couch."

[His fever spiked a little while ago and he started crying because you weren't here.] I kneeled down and felt Itsuki's head. His skin was still warm.

"Mmmm…" He leant into my touch; his eyes fluttering open.

"Hey, Itsy. How ya feeling?" He sat up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes like a child.

"Shizzy?" I sat on the couch next to him. He lunged himself at me and nuzzled his face into my chest; knocking us both back onto the couch. "You came back."

I put my hand on his head and tilted his face up to look me in the eyes. His sky blue eyes were brimming with tears, his cheeks were tinted pink. My eyes lingered on his lips as I admired his face; the urge to kiss him was strong, but I fought it back. Itsuki and I needed to talk things over before I can kiss him again.

"Of course I came back." I smiled at him and he smiled back. He then rested his head on my chest and I think he fell back asleep. I was in such a bad mood when I got here, but the moment I saw him, all my anger disappeared. He was the only one who could calm the monster inside of me.

"Well… you guys can stay here for the night if you want. It doesn't look like Itsuki wants to leave. Just don't stain my couch, my beloved and I use that couch too." He chuckled awkwardly. Celty punched him lightly in the arm. "Ow! What was that for?" She held up her PDA to him and they went back and forth lovingly for a while. I lost interest and just tuned them out to look at the sleeping man lying on top of my chest.

ITSUKI'S POV

I opened my eyes and was immediately blinded by the sunlight that shone through the curtains. I blinked a couple of times and looked around. I was in Shinra's living room; I remember falling asleep on the couch after dinner. All I do is sleep lately. I frowned to myself and tried to sit up. I froze when I heard a groan coming from underneath me. I looked down to see Shizuo's eyes fluttering open. He smiled up at me.

"Good morning." He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me back down. Images from my 'hallucination' the other night flash through my mind and I could feel myself blush.

"Sorry," I didn't move from his warm embrace. "I didn't mean to wake you up." I could feel the vibrations through his chest as he chuckled.

"It's alright; you've got radiation this morning anyway. So it's probably best if we get up now." I frowned at the mention of treatment. Shizuo released me from his grip and I sat up. "You should probably go shower."

I stood up and walked down the hallway. I hope Shinra and Celty don't care if I use their shower. I bumped into something or someone on my way to the bathroom. I looked up to see the dullahan.

[Good morning, Itsuki. How are you feeling?] I shrugged in response. [Oh, I've been meaning to ask you something.]

I looked up at where her head would be with a look that said 'go on'.

[How do you feel about Shizuo? I don't mean to involve myself but you both are my friends, and I would hate to see one of you get hurt.] My entire face radiated heat. Did she know about how I felt about Shizuo? [I saw the bruises so I know that you two had… you know.] Bruises? What was she talking about? I was thoroughly confused now.

"Celty, my love. Let us make breakfast together!" Shinra came wandering down the hall. "Oh Celty, are you embarrassing our little strawberry? Look at his face, it's so red!" Shinra just giggle. Did he just call me a strawberry? What the…

"Hey, what's going on over here?" Shizuo came walking down the hallway with a questioning glare, if that's even possible. He then looked to me and his face softened. "Are you alright? You're face is all red. Do you still have a fever?" He felt my head and I slapped his hand away. I was so flustered and confused. What was Celty talking about? I ran through the hall and into the bathroom.

SHIZUO'S POV

He slapped my hand away when I went to feel for a fever and then ran down the hall. He locked himself in the bathroom and I just looked at Shinra and Celty.

"What the hell?" I voiced my confusion.

"I didn't do anything! I swear!" Shinra raised his hands in surrender. Celty nervously held her PDA up to me.

[That might have been my fault.]

"Explain, now." I was losing my patience. For some reason Itsuki was all freaked out and I didn't know why.

[I just wanted to make sure you both felt the same way about each other before one of you got hurt. I care about you both so much. I asked him how he felt about you and he got all red.]

"Celty, you were supposed to let me talk to him."

[I know, I know. I'm sorry. I just don't want either of you to get hurt or for Itsuki to run away again.]

"But that doesn't explain why he got all upset. He's more rational than that."

[I told him that I knew that you two had sex..] That made more sense.

"Did you tell him that you only knew because you saw the bruises?"

[Of course.]

"You mean the ones on his neck?" Shinra chimed in with a knowing look. Shit. I totally forgot he was there.

"Oh.. uhh… shit. I gotta go." I pushed past them and knocked on the bathroom door.

"Shizuo!" Shinra put his hand on my shoulder."Please, explain to me what's going on. I mean, I've got a pretty good idea." The bathroom door opened and there stood Itsuki with his shirt off. The bruises on his hips were completely visible. His cheeks were wet with tears. I could hear Shinra gasp behind me.

"Itsuki, what happened to you?" You know, for being a pervert, Shinra was completely clueless. Itsuki grabbed me by my wrist, weakly pulled me into the bathroom and shut the door.

"Itsy?" He was looking down at the floor.

"Did we really..?" His bangs covered his face and his shoulders were shaking.

"Yea, we did." He looked up at me and rubbed his eyes with the back of his hands. "Do you regret it?" Now it was my turn to look away. If he says yes, I don't know what I'm going to do. I love him and if he doesn't feel the same, I'll break.

I felt thin arms wrap around me.

"No, of course not. I… thought that maybe… maybe I had hallucinated it. I never thought you would ever love me back so I figured that that night was all in my head." I felt tears seeping through my shirt again. I wrapped my arms around him. "I'm so happy, Shizzy." I kissed the top of his head.

"I love you, Itsy." He looked up at me, I took his chin into my hand and we shared a chaste kiss. We were both smiling when someone knocked on the door. I growled and pulled the door open. Shinra put his hands up in surrender.

"Uhh… Hey. You guys are cute and all but you're going to miss your appointment." He pointed to the watch on his wrist. Did they overhear our entire conversation? "And you two are most definitely not taking a shower together." I grabbed the closest thing in reach, which was a bar of soap, and chucked it at the annoying doctor. He dodged out of the way and ran down the hallway.

I turned to Itsuki; he was covering his face with his hands. I took his hands into my own and kissed his knuckles. His face darkened a couple shades of red.

"Soo… Itsy, would you like to.. Uhhh... be my… boyfriend?" I struggled to get the words out. Itsuki nodded vigorously. I smiled and kissed his forehead. "You should probably get in the shower. Call me if you need me." He nodded again and I left the room and shut the door behind me.

I walked into the kitchen to see Celty and Shinra sitting at the table, they were looking at me expectantly.

"What are you looking at?" I went to the kitchen and grabbed a bowl, the gallon of milk and a box of cereal.

"How could you not tell me!?"

"Shinra, please, just shut up." I sat down in an open seat across from Celty.

[How did it go?]

"Well… uhh Itsuki and I talked things out." I poured my cereal into the bowl and drenched it in lots of milk. It was really more milk than actual cereal.

"We heard."

"Eavesdroppers."

[Are you two official?] I nodded and she jumped up and down in her seat, like a squealing girl.

"This is gonna take some getting used to. I don't mean anything offensive and I support you both fully. It's just, ya know, my two best friends are now in a relationship." I shot him a glare. "Hey hey. I said I didn't mean any offense!"

Itsuki walked into the room and looked at us. His hair was still damp as he pressed the towel to his hair. He was wearing a purple t-shirt and black skinny jeans.

"Hey, Itsuki." Shinra said nervously.

I smiled to him and he smiled back, his cheeks flaring pink. It's so easy to make him blush, I chuckled to myself. He then walked over and sat next to Celty.

"Do you want some cereal?" He shook his head. I wanted him to eat but I wasn't going to force him when he wasn't feeling good.

ITSUKI'S POV

"Well, I should probably go shower. We can't be late." With that said, Shizuo stood from his seat, put his empty cereal bowl in the sink and retreated to the bathroom, leaving me all alone with Celty and Shinra. Shinra was acting weird and I couldn't really read how Celty was feeling.

[Congratulations.] The screen on Celty's PDA read. I could feel my ears turning red as I nodded a quick thank you.

"Soooo…. I'm really happy for you two." Shinra's face was turning red. He probably felt really awkward about this. "Are you two going to be open about your relationship or keep it a secret? You know, like public affection." Well Shizuo told Celty and Shinra, so maybe he wanted to be open about it. I don't really care whether we keep it a secret or not. I just can't let my identity get out or else it'll be a burden to Shizuo. I got lost in thought and realized that Shinra was still waiting for an answer. I shrugged, deciding that I'll let Shizuo decide.

[Video games?] I nodded and followed her to the couch.

SHIZUO'S POV

I got out of the shower, got dressed and walked into the living room. Celty and Itsuki were sitting on the couch playing a racing game. Shinra was on the phone, probably with a client.

I walked over to the two on the couch and put my hands on Itsuki's shoulders; he jumped slightly and then looked up to me. He smiled up at me and it made my heart jump.

"C'mon, it's time to go." He nodded and stood from his seat.

[Are you guys coming back after? Or going back home?]

"Well, Itsuki's fever has gone down so there's no reason to stay here anymore. Thank you for having us, but we wouldn't want to intrude any longer." I really wanted to go home and take care of my beloved.

[I understand, call us if anything happens, alright?] I nodded and Shinra walked over to us as he ended his call.

"A group of dollars got in a fight with some yellow scarves and I have to go patch both gangs up." He sighed and grabbed his bag off the counter. "My love, I will be back late tonight. Shizuo, let me know if you ever need anything."

"Same goes to you. Don't get yourself in any trouble." He nodded.

"Itsuki," He walked over to the fragile boy and put his hand on his shoulder. "Stay strong, okay? You can make it through this." Shinra looked back to me. "Shizuo, can I talk to you in the hallway? It'll just take a minute." I nodded and followed him out.

"What's wrong, Shinra?"

"Don't push yourself too hard. I know you want to take care of Itsuki, but you also need to worry about yourself. If you need to go back to work, you can always leave him here. Celty or I can watch him. Just don't leave him alone." I nodded. Shinra had a serious look in his eyes. I knew he worried about his friends. "Also, don't forget to mention to your doctor about the high fevers. Have her check to make sure everything is alright." I nodded again. "Well then, I'll talk to you both later."

"Hey Shinra, thanks." I smiled a genuine smile to him.

"No problem. You know, you seem a lot happier now that you and Itsuki are… umm.. yea." He smiled at me awkwardly. I did feel a lot happier, and it was all thanks to Itsuki. He waved goodbye and went on his way. I opened the door to retrieve Itsuki and we left for radiation.

ITSUKI'S POV

We had just finished radiation and now I sit on an examination table. Shizuo had told the doctor about my high fevers and now they want to run a blood test or something. That meant more needles.

"It's gonna be alright, Itsy." Shizuo held my hand as Dr. Maywheather plunged the needle into my arm. I tensed and tightened my grip on Shizuo hand. He rubbed my back to comfort me.

"We should get the results in a couple of days, maybe a week." She took the needle out of my arm and put it down on a tray. I could finally relax.

"Thank you, Doctor." Shizuo looked really worried.

"I would also like to do a full body MRI to see if your tumors have shrunken since the beginning of treatment or if they are spreading." I nodded to her and she led me to another room.

SHIZUO'S POV

"Well..." The doctor took a seat at her desk. We've been waiting for a week for the results of the tests. She put the images from the MRI up on the monitor so we could see what she's talking about. "Sadly, the tumors are growing. It looks like it spread to the rest of your bone marrow, your lungs and brain. So now that it's not isolated, the radiation isn't going to be as effective."

I couldn't believe my ears. It's spreading. I wish I could just beat the cancer out of him, then at least my strength would be good for something.

"Is there still a chance that he can beat this?" Please say yes, please. I just got him back; I can't lose him again.

"I'm going to up your dosage of chemo and I'm going to schedule you for a bone marrow biopsy. I'm also going to start you on biological therapy which we can actually start today." She didn't answer my question. I stood from my seat in anger and slammed my fists on her desk, causing all of her picture frames to fall and papers to fly.

"Answer the goddamn question. Does he have a chance!?" She looked at me with calm eyes, not even a hint of anger or fear like I would usually get.

"I'll answer if you would be so kind to take your seat." I slowly took my seat, not taking my eyes off of her.

"There's still a small chance as long as we act fast.A bone marrow biopsy is where we stick a needle into the bone marrow of your hip and get a sample of the tissue. You won't be put under; it's just a simple test. It can be a little uncomfortable though." I could see Itsuki shiver just from the thought of more needles. "Biological Therapy is another treatment for cancer; it helps boost your immune system. It uses the same catheter as chemo so no extra needles. But your side effects will be a lot worse. You'll feel like you have an incurable flu."

Itsuki shook his head no violently. I could understand why he'd say no. He already had bad side effects so why would he want more. I grabbed his hand.

"You need to get better. I'll take care of you." I smiled at him.


	18. Chapter 18

**Author Note: **

**Okay, so I feel the need to point out that most of this story was actual written a while ago. I'm reaching the end of what I had written so from here on out will all be stuff that I basically come up with on the spot. I only have one plan for this story and thats whether Itsuki lives happily ever after or if he dies and leaves his Shizuo behind to deal with his death. :) Sorry I'm evil. You'll just have to wait and find out how it ends. But back to what I was saying, I literally have no idea where this story is gonna go next so if anyone has any ideas, I'll gladly take them into consideration.**

**This chapter has some super spiffy smut. So like, be warned? lol okay, I'll leave all of you alone now. **

ITSUKI'S POV

On the way home from the hospital, I couldn't help but limp a little. My entire body hurt.

"Are you alright? Do you want me to carry you?" I just shot him a glare. I'm a grown man; I can walk on my own. I still have my dignity. Shizuo put his hands up in surrender and chuckled. "You're glare isn't very intimidating. It just makes you look cuter." I could feel my ears turning red along with the rest of my face.

"Jerk." I smiled slightly. Shizuo sneakily grabbed my hand in his own and intertwined our fingers. "Wha? B-but… we're in public."

"I don't care." He smiled down to me. We walked down the streets of Ikebukero, holding hands. People were looking at us strange but I ignored them, too happy to care.

All of a sudden, I felt my stomach lurch and I tightened my grip on Shizuo's hand.

"Is something wrong? You look pale, we can stop and rest." He led me over to a bench and we sat down. He rubbed circles in the back of my hand with his thumb.

"I think… I think I'm gonna puke." I put my hand up to cover my mouth.

"Oh Shizu-channnn!" A man with black hair waved from down the street.

"IZAYYYAAAA!" Shizuo stood from the bench and clenched his fists in anger. Before I could do or say anything, Izaya bolted down the street with Shizuo chasing after him. I just sat on the bench in shock. He just left me..

I stood from the bench slowly, and took slow steps towards an alleyway. I was going to vomit and I couldn't hold it down for much longer. I used the wall for support as I walked farther down the alley. My stomach lurched once more and I leant over, my hands holding onto the wall as I emptied the contents of my stomach behind a dumpster. I wiped my mouth with my sleeve, my saliva tasted awful and my head was spinning.

SHIZUO'S POV

I threw a stop sign; the flea easily dodged it throwing a couple of knives at me. I ripped off a door from the closest car and used it as a shield. Izaya then sprinted back down the street; I followed him down an alley. It was a dead end. Was this finally the day I caught and beat the shit out of the parasite?

"Shizu-chan, you really are stupid."

"You're one to talk, flea. Look around, it's a dead end which means you're trapped." Izaya just grinned back at me. I hate that evil look of his. I growled at him and walked towards him; he took a couple steps back and pulled out his pocket knife. I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and was about to slam him into the wall when he grabbed onto my shirt and pulled our bodies close. My eyes widened when I felt a pair of lips on mine. I pushed him back and just stared at him.

"WHAT THE FUCK!?" I punched him in the face and his back hit the wall.

"Hehe… heh… hahaha… HAHAHHA!" Izaya laughed maniacally as he stood on shaky knees. I was still so shocked about what just happened that I didn't notice Izaya slip past me. "Bye bye, Shizu-chan." He winked at me as he made a run for it. I rubbed my mouth with the back of my hand.

"Disgusting." I could really go for some mouthwash. I walked out of the alley and into the closest convenient store.

I picked up a small bottle of spearmint mouth wash and as I was walking down the aisle, something caught my eye. I could feel my face heat up as I looked at the assortment of lubricants. Itsuki and I haven't done anything since that day. I should probably get some so it isn't so painful for… ITSUKI! Shit. In my blind rage, I left Itsuki all by himself. I grabbed a bottle of strawberry lube and went to the desk. The lady behind the counter had to be in her 80's and she was slower than a snail. I was growing impatient as she slowly rung up two items and put them in a bag.

"That'll be... $11.06."

"Damn rip off, just keep the change." I said as I gave her $15. I grabbed the bag off of the counter and ran out the door.

I opened up the mouthwash and took a mouthful. The intensity of the mint felt like it was burning my mouth. I swished and spit into the dumpster. Fucking flea, I blame him for all of this.

I walked down the street back to where I left Itsuki, cursing with each step I took. I guess people could tell I was in a bad mood because everyone was getting out of my way, making a path for me.

ITSUKI'S POV

I felt a drop of wetness fall onto my hand; I brought it up to my face to get a closer look before looking up to the sky. Another drop hit my scorching cheek, causing me to shiver. I've been waiting for Shizuo for over an hour. The sky was growing dark and the wind was getting stronger. I made sure my beanie was secure, and slowly stood from the bench. My head throbbed and my stomach churned. I took each step carefully as I made my way down the street.

I was shook out of my thoughts when I bumped into someone. I picked up my head to see raven black hair and red eyes looking at me with a grin. His face was a little swollen, it looked like Shizuo might have finally landed a hit, but if Shizuo wasn't with Izaya, where could he be?

"Oh! What a pleasant surprise! Just the person I was looking for." His cheshire grin only spread even wider. "Did that big old brute leave you all alone to play with me?" He put his arm around my shoulder as he took out his phone.

"Now, Itsu-chan. I have something quite upsetting to show you." He held the cell phone up to my face. I took it in my hands and looked down at the picture. It showed… Izaya and what looked a lot like Shizuo… kissing. Shizuo's back was to the camera so I couldn't see his face, but he had his hand on Izayas' collar and it looked like he was pulling him into a kiss.

I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

"And sadly, that picture was taken not only an hour ago. And we didn't stop at just a kiss." I felt my chest tighten and my breath was stuck in my throat. "I know how you feel about the brute. I've seen how you look at him, even back in high school." I couldn't contain myself; I punched Izaya as hard as I could in the jaw. He only stumbled back a couple of feet and smiled at me.

"Well, I'll be on my way. Bye bye, Itsu-chan." He waved as he walked off, holding his jaw. All of a sudden it started to pour and people were running for cover. I just stood in place and let the rain soak through my clothes. At least now no one can see my tears. I took a big breath before once again starting on my way towards home.

SHIZUO'S POV

I looked down at the empty bench where I last saw my Itsuki. I don't think I could be angrier at myself. I picked up the bench and threw it as far as I could. I can't believe I left him here, why did I have to run after Izaya. And that fucking flea, why the hell did he kiss me!? I walked down the street towards my apartment, my clothes were soaking and they made squishing noises with each step. He probably went home since it started raining.

Why couldn't I just ignore the flea? Why couldn't I just control my anger and stay by Itsuki's side? Then none of this would have happened. Then a thought hit me, does this mean… does this mean that I technically cheated on Itsuki? Even though it wasn't mutual and it was the man I hate most in this world, I still feel like I did something horrible. Should I tell him? It would only hurt him but what if I don't tell him and he finds out? I didn't do anything wrong so I don't see why I should hide it from him. But what if that's not how he sees it and gets mad? What if he breaks up with me? We just started dating and now this happens, what the fuck.

I walk up the stairs to my building, the grocery bag still in my hand. I will just keep this a secret; he doesn't need to know since it would just hurt him. He has bigger things to worry about, like getting better. I open up the heavy metal door and walk into the living room. All the lights were off, but I could make out little pools of water glistening in the moonlight. I look down and realize I am still dripping wet and making a huge mess. I take my shoes off and put the bag down on the kitchen table.

I open the door to the bedroom, in the darkness I can still make out a small lump under the covers. Good, he's home safe. I sigh a breath of relief. I peel off my soaking wet clothes and change into some sweatpants and a t-shirt. I walk into the bathroom and I can see that Itsuki's clothes are rolled up in a ball in the sink. I do the same with mine, I'll deal with them tomorrow. Right now I need to make sure Itsuki is okay and probably make some dinner. My stomach growled in agreement.

I walked over to the bed and looked down at the small form curled up under the covers. He had the sheets pulled up over his head. I rested my hand on what was most likely his shoulder.

"Itsy, are you awake?"

"Mmhmm.."

"I'm really sorry I left you all alone, you know how I get when I see that flea."

"Mm.."

"Please don't be mad at me. I'm really really sorry."

"I-It's okay."

"Come out from under the covers so I can see you?" I gently pulled on the covers but he just pulled them even tighter over himself. "Itsy?"

I stood from the bed when I didn't get a response. Maybe he really was mad at me… I walked to the edge of the bed and pulled the sheets out from where they were so neatly tucked in. I lifted them over my head and crawled under the covers. I slowly crawled my way up the bed until I found who I was looking for. I crawled over his body and embraced him.

"I'm sorry, Itsy. Please forgive me? I promise, next time I see the flea I will try my hardest to ignore him, I really will. I'll try to control my temper. I'm so sorry." I kissed his temple and I felt him let out a shaky breath. I lifted myself up so I could get a better look at him. Even in the darkness I could see the moist trails on his cheeks, he was crying. I pulled the covers off of us and took his head into my hands, forcing him to look at me. I straddled his waist and looked him in the eyes. "Please don't cry… I'll never do it again." He nodded to me and I leant down and gently pressed our lips together. When I removed my lips and opened my eyes, I almost thought I saw Izaya staring back up at me with a grin on his face, but when I cleared my head I saw my beloved Itsuki trying to wipe the tears from his cheeks.

Guilt, guilt was all I felt.

ITSUKI'S POV

I wasn't crying because he left me all alone to chase after another guy, I was crying because I… I waited so long to have him in my arms and it turns out him and Izaya are… I don't even know what they are. Are they dating? Are they fuck buddies or something? Do I not satisfy him? Am I not good enough? Maybe if we had sex more often? The only reason we haven't had sex since a week ago is because I haven't been feeling well. Every night has been pure torture with nonstop vomiting, high fevers and throbbing joint pains. Some days, I don't even get out of bed.

Maybe I could push myself just a little farther so that he wouldn't have to go to someone else? I can do this. Shizuo was still straddling my waist as I wiped the tears from my face so I sat up slowly and put my hand on the back of his neck. I pulled him down so that we could seal our lips once again. It started out as just an innocent kiss but I put a little more pressure into it and pushed my tongue into his mouth. He moaned in approval and adjusted his position so that I could wrap my legs around his hips and pull him close.

I moaned into the kiss and ran my fingers through his damp hair. I broke the kiss so that I could catch my breath. I was already a panting mess just from a simple kiss.

"You're so perfect." He moved my bangs out of my face and kissed my nose. The sweet things he was doing just made my heart ache. What if he does these things with him too? "Wha-what's wrong?" I hadn't realized I was crying again until Shizuo wiped away my tears.

"S-sorry." I hid my face behind my hands in embarrassment. I'm always crying, maybe that's why Shizuo likes Izaya… because he's strong and doesn't cry. Why do I have to be so weak?

"You have nothing to apologize for… I'm the horrible boyfriend." He sat back. "I can't do anything right." Was this about leaving me in the rain or Izaya? He doesn't know that I know about Izaya, does he? Whether he does or not, I don't want to lose him. I've been in love with him for as long as I can remember, if… if he wants to keep Izaya on the side, then I can suffer through the pain. I… I can share him, if that's what it takes.

I crawled into Shizuo's lap and held him tight; I nuzzled my head into the crook of his neck as I let out a sob. I couldn't contain it; the thought of having to share him was killing me. I want him all to myself, but I can't.

Shizuo rubbed my back gently; his big strong hands made me feel so safe.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered into my ear. All I could do was nod in response. "You forgive me?" I nodded again but didn't move my head from its resting place on his shoulder. I couldn't let him see my tears. He held me tight and kissed my head.

SHIZUO'S POV

Itsuki was shaking as I held him tight; his tears were soaking through my shirt. I wish I could make this up to him… Then I got an idea.

"Hey, Itsy. Why don't we make homemade ramen tonight?"

"R-really?" He lifted his head up and wiped his tears away before looking at me.

"Yeah, I have all the ingredients and I know how much you love it." I smiled at him. He nodded his head. Itsuki hasn't been eating well lately and whatever he does eat, he throws up twenty minutes later. He's lost a lot of weight and it's starting to worry me. I'll make him anything he wants as long as he just eats it.

Itsuki got out of my lap and crawled to the side of the bed. I got out of the bed and helped Itsuki to his feet.

We walked into the kitchen and Itsy looked at the bag on the table. Shit, I forgot to put it away. I went to grab the bag off of the table but Itsy grabbed it first. I tried to grab it from him but the bottle of lube fell on the tile floor. We both just stared down at it. I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks. Itsy picked up the small bottle of lubricant and inspected it before giving me a questioning look.

"Strawberry?" My cheeks grew even hotter. I rubbed the back of my neck. "Didn't know you liked stuff like this." He giggled.

"I-I… uhh.. I just grabbed a random bottle!" I snatched it from his hands and put it back on the table. "I saw it and figured we would need it if you ever wanted to… y'know.. again. But if you don't want to I'm not pushing you. It was just a precautionary. I don't want you to be in pain when we… uhhh… make love." Oh god. I was rambling and I couldn't shut my mouth. "I love you, Itsy, and I want us both to feel… pleasure.. when we… do IT." He stood up on his tip toes and kissed me. He was just too cute. I broke the kiss and turned around towards the stove. "Soo… ramen."

I watched as Itsuki silently swished his noodles from one side to the other.

"You don't like it?" He looked up at me with wide eyes. I took another bite of my own ramen, it tasted good to me.

"I-it's not that. It's really good." He hesitantly took another bite and smiled at me. The smile didn't last long though because as soon as he swallowed, his face fell.

"Your stomach bothering you? Did you take your nausea medication?" He nodded and stared down at his noodles as he twirled them with his chopsticks. "Itsy, I'm sorry but you need to eat." He didn't respond. I put my hand over his and he flinched for a second before relaxing, it was strange. We've held hands so many times before but now I feel like something has changed.

"Itsy, did something happen? Besides me being an ass." He just looked up at me with wide eyes. Bingo. "What happened while I was gone?"

"U-uhh… n-nothing." He was getting flustered and actually returned to eating his ramen.

"Itsy." I gave him a stern look. "Tell me."

"I-I don't know what you t-talking about." He only stutters like that when he gets really nervous. I stood from my seat across from him and walked around the small table. I grabbed his chair and spun it around so he was facing me. His eyes were wide, he was afraid. "Sh-shizzy?" I put my hands on each side of the chair and cornered him in. He was going to tell me, I was going to make him.

"Tell me what happened. Don't hide things from me." He looked down, his copper bangs covering his face.

"How can you say that?" His shoulders began to shake.

"Huh?" He looked up at me with tears in his eyes.

"How can you say not to hide anything from you when you're the one going behind my back!?" He pushed my shoulders and I actually stumbled back a couple of steps. He stood from his chair. "I'm sorry, I was going to try to ignore it, pretend like I didn't know. I thought maybe I could share you, if that's what you wanted. But… I can't. Maybe I'm just being selfish, but… I want you all to myself! I can't stand the thought of you and Izaya!" His voice started to crack as his tears fell. I went to take a step forward but he backed away and almost tripped over his chair. "H-He told me that you two had… s-sex. I wouldn't have believed it if… if I hadn't seen the p-picture." He was trying to catch his breath but he couldn't stop crying.

"Itsy, please listen to me-"

"I can't do it, Shizuo. I can't share you. I've been in love with you for as long as I can remember. But… but I don't want to lose you either." I put my hand over his mouth.

"Itsuki, listen to me. This is one of that louses games. He's just trying to fuck with us like he always does. Just let me explain." He nodded and I removed my hand. "Please, stop crying." I said as I wiped away his tears with the pad of my thumb. He sniffled in response.

"You know how the flea likes to play his games." We both sat down at the table again. I rubbed my temple; I was getting a headache from all of this stress. Fucking flea, I was definitely going to kill him the next time I see him. "I chased him into a dead end, I was about to kill that fucking flea when he caught me off guard by kissing me. He had probably planned it and had someone ready to take a picture. I'm gonna kill him. Kill, kill, kill, kill-" I was lost in my anger until Itsuki hesitantly rested his hand over my fist. "Oh.. sorry." He just looked at me with those bright eyes and nodded.

"How could you ever think that I would like that insignificant, pathetic little shit? I hate him. Hate, hate, hate, hate-" Itsuki squeezed my hand again to bring me out of my ranting. "I'll make him pay, I promise! I was so disgusted that I even went to the convenience store to get mouthwash and that's when I got the lube, I even have the receipt if you don't believe me." I went over to the bag and went to grab the receipt but the bag was empty. I had been in a rush and didn't even get my change, let alone a receipt. "Okay, I don't have a receipt but you've got to believe me. I would never voluntarily kiss that bastard!" I got down on my knees in front of Itsy. "Please believe me."

Itsy grabbed my face and sealed our lips in a passionate kiss. Tears were still rolling down his cheeks.

"I believe you." I wrapped my arms around him and held him closely. "Why didn't you just tell me?"

"I didn't want you to get the wrong idea and leave me..."

"I won't leave you, never again. Shizzy, promise me something?" I nodded to him. "Promise me that you'll never keep anything from me?" I lifted up my hand and held out my pinky to him.

"I pinky promise, I never want to hurt you again." He interlocked our pinkies with a smile. His cheeks were still moist from tears. "No more crying, I want you to be happy." He nodded and with one last sniffle, wiped his face with his sleeve.

ITSUKI'S POV

Shizuo stood from his kneeling position on the floor and brought our bowls to the sink. I felt a pang of guilt; I hadn't eaten much of the food that Shizuo made especially to cheer me up. He doesn't really like ramen as much as I do.

I yawned. Shizuo walked over to me and unexpectedly picked me up in his arms.

"Wha-what are you doing?" I held onto his neck, afraid of falling. I'm used to him picking me up but usually it's only when I'm really sick.

"You're tired so I'm taking you to bed."

"I-I can walk on my own." He just looked at me as he walked into the bedroom.

"I want to hold you." My cheeks instantly got warm. He gently set me down on the bed and got in next to me. He pulled the covers over us and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close. I was completely surrounded by his warmth.

He pulled my chin up to look at him and leaned down to kiss me. He stopped right before our lips met. I opened my eyes; his lustful gaze caused a chill to go down my spine.

Moments like this made me remember how gorgeous he was, how perfect. How unreal. With shaky hands I touched his face, in disbelief that someone like this was here and here for me. Only for me. He traced my bottom lip with his thumb, smirking a little in that way of his that made me weak, and I couldn't help it- I inhaled sharply, gasping against his skin and pleading with my eyes for him to take control from here, no more hesitation. His hips were so close to mine, close enough to press against me at any time, and preferably now.

Testing his control, I peeked my tongue out at him teasingly- and before he could even begin to scowl in impatience, swirled my tongue around his finger and took it into my warm mouth.

He let out a strangled groaned before grabbing me less gently than before, lips locking with mine furiously and hands already roaming down my chest.

He pulled his lips away to pull my shirt up and over my head. He stops and runs his eyes over my bare skin. I feel self consciousness festering in the back of my mind. The catheter sticking out of my chest, my sickly pale skin, my more than noticeable ribs. I look like the walking dead. I search his eyes for even a hint of disgust but all I see is endearment. I remind myself that this is Shizuo. He's seen me at my best, he's seen me at my worst.

His hands run down the length of my arms, carefully entwining our fingers. He leans to down to whisper in my ear.

"You're beautiful." I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding. A sense of relief washes over me.

I can't hold back the moan when his moist tongue runs over a sensitive spot on the warm skin of my neck. I thrust my hips up, my groin rubbing against his clothed erection. The wonderful friction sends electricity through each and every one of my nerves.

"Sh-Shizzy. Ahh-h!" His name was the only coherent words in my mind. All I could think about was Shizuo; my Shizuo.

The sound of a zipper being undone was all I heard before a calloused hand freed my erection. The air was brisk against my heated skin. He tugged my pants and boxers off so that I was free of all blonde kissed his way down my chest. his tongue dipped into my navel and down until he was presented with my hard flesh. He laid a feather light kiss on the tip and pulled away.

I groaned in impatience. He stood from the bed and gave me a devious look that I've never seen before. His handsome features pulled into a daring smirk. I watched his every movement, taking in every detail. The faint sheen of sweat on his tanned skin. The way his beautiful blonde hair reflected what little light there was. His hands slowly undid his bow tie and he threw off his vest.

His eyes didn't leave mine as I watched his bulky fingers undo each and every button of his white dress shirt. This beautiful, beautiful man was putting on a fucking show. I stood on my knees at the end of the bed and ran my hands over his newly exposed abdomen. Feeling the wondrous curves of his abs. He was lean but muscular, he was… perfection.

I heard the soft thump of his pants hitting the ground but didn't get a glimpse of the skin hidden underneath. He pulled my chin up to force eye contact. He kissed me with such passion that my legs were growing weak. He crawled over me, carefully pushing me back onto the bed; his lips never leaving mine.

I was so lost in the passionate kiss that I didn't even realize when he got the lube until the wondrous smell of strawberries assaulted my senses. Shizuo really liked strawberry scented things. All of the soaps in the apartment, the shampoo and conditioner, and now the lube- all strawberry scented.

A finger at my entrance startled me and I tensed without thinking. Shizuo froze in his movements and looked at me with wide, searching eyes.

"A-are you okay? Did I hurt you?" His eyes were filling with panic. Great. I ran my fingers through his hair and pulled him down for another kiss.

"Shh- you just startled me. K-keep going." I mumbled against his lips. I felt his muscles relax as he continued his movements; spreading the lube around my entrance. He made sure there was plenty of lube before finally, finally plunging his finger in. It didn't hurt as much this time, maybe because we have actual lube this time? Or maybe because this isn't my first time anymore?

"Mm-more." I moaned. He moved a little faster and added another finger. I didn't know how much longer I was going to last. I moved my hips a little to get him to go faster. He added another finger with extra care and immediately struck my prostate. Slowly moving in and out with three finger for what felt like forever, abusing my prostate. He continued his assault on my gland until my legs were shaking and I needed him in me now. Why was he being so gentle this time? "Shizu-oooh… I need you."

"Almost done, just a little more."

"Sh-shizzy. I'm more than ready…Oh god.. please!" He begrudgingly pulled his fingers away and poured a generous amount of lube on his pulsing organ.

"Itsy, just let me know if I need to stop." He looks down at me pleadingly. "I don't need what happened last time to happen again. I can't have you getting worse." He lines himself up with my entrance but doesn't do anything more. He looked at me, I guess he wanted me to promise him that I'd tell him to stop if need be? I brought my hand up to the side of his face and gently ran the pad of my thumb along the smooth skin of his cheek.

"I promise, Shizzy-chan." He leant down and sealed our lips once more and slowly plunged into my heat. I arched my back as the familiar sensation took over. The initial burn of being stretched to accommodate his size was somewhat overwhelming. I felt like my insides were melting. He halted once he was fully inside. "You okay?"

I nodded my head, not trusting my voice for the time being. Once the pain turned into discomfort I quietly told him to move. He slowly pulled out until only the head was remaining and thrusted back in, hitting my prostate dead on. My back arched off the bed and I let out a load moan that echoed throughout the room.

Shizuo's thrusts picked up speed, his hands gripped my hips in a bruising grip. I laid one of my hands on his and he immediately released his grip and gently rubbed the already red skin. He whispered soft apologies in my ear, never ceasing the movements of his hips. I could feel the coil tightening in my abdomen. The pleasure was becoming too much.

"Ahhhh… Ooooh! Sh—Shizuo! Mmmm.. Oh god! Ah! I c-can't!" I lost myself in the pleasure and released all over my chest. Shizuo's thrusts became more erratic as he took advantage of the tightening of my entrance. With one last grunt, he found his release. The heat consuming my innards.

"I love you." He whispered against the skin of my neck. I reach up a shaky hand and run my fingers through his golden locks. This man, he's all mine.

"I love you too."

SHIZUO'S POV

I held him tightly as he fell asleep in my arms. I looked down at his slumbering face, he was so perfect. His skin was a ghostly pale, his orange hair had definitely lost some of its shine and he had dark bags under his eyes. He didn't look healthy at all but he was still my Itsuki underneath all of this… all of this sickness. He's going to get better. He has to.

He tightened his grip on me. Tomorrow morning I need to get him to eat, but what could I make him that wouldn't upset his stomach but has enough nutrition? Rice? An omelet? Maybe just some toast? If he doesn't start eating soon, this is going to be a problem. He's losing too much weight.

He groaned in his sleep, I heard his stomach growl. I wish I could help him, I would do anything to make him better.


End file.
